I am a reporter on the front lines of my own life. No one is coming to save me and I can’t save myself. What happens next is no surprise. When I keep a record of what I wanted and what I got, they are two entirely different things. It is what it is.

There is an alchemy of acceptance that is available to all of us. It is the prescription that no one wants to take. And it is generic. It has no side effects, either. Then why do we try and bend the rules laid down for us on a karmic level?

I have neuropathy. It limits me from doing what I want to do. Yet for the most part I am accepting of it. The pills are working to keep me from nightly pain and I am going to physical therapy to strengthen my core.

When I told Theo about the neuropathy, he said “Watch what you put in your mouth.” And so today I watched myself putting chili, chips, candy and coffee into it. No one can play by the rules, for they are made to be broken. For the most part, I eat healthily, but only because I also bend the rules.

My new ebook is a lovely read and I must let it go. So tomorrow I am going to the grocery and Friday to the dentist to have my teeth cleaned. Rob is back from Phoenix and is hearing Mark Knopfler play tonight. I am watching TV.

Despite the fact that the grief of my life is a given, I have adjusted as best I can. What comforts me is my inner work. I have days and hours where I realize what grace feels like. And other times when I return to roast in hell for a bit. There is no such thing as enlightenment. There are only the changing weathers of the human emotional system.

The best prayer Vernon Howard gave us is “God help me right now.” We do what we can with what we’ve got. Facebook knows nothing about Real I. Blogs don’t either. People on TV with their fifteen minutes of fame are ridiculous. And don’t get me started on how the giant Amazon has opened its jaws and swallowed us all.
I am gonna stop here and ask you to forgive me for this rant. Someone had to do it. Want some tortilla chips?

Vicki Woodyard