A Student of “I am.”

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Getting Real with Vicki Woodyard

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A Breath of God: Falling in Order to Rise


Sinking is what happens first, then rising comes all by itself. If a woman tries to rise, she falls. But if she falls, she rises. Think paradox. There is no such thing as a woman rising without falling first.

Eve left the garden because she fell from grace. Since that time, the opposites have been doing a number on us. We women feel under-appreciated and unloved. That is because the world is run by men. And thank God for that. Women have the job of running things outside of the rational world. They are intuitive creatures bound by nothing but love and service.

As a female writer, I serve best by not getting involved in movements of any kind. Movements never make a difference. It is stillness that causes the earth to spin in the direction of love. Women today are far too busy; stillness is the recipe for true movement. Approach the still point and be the axis around which the rim revolves.

The “I am” awareness demands that the ego silence itself. Not scream about injustice or unfair treatment by the male sex, the government or whatever. As the Bible says, “The government is on His Shoulders.” It is for the men to think that waging war is a sensible thing to do. War happens for financial gain and never for true peace in this world.

I cherish both the male and female aspects of creation. Rising and falling creates the waves of action in the Tao. Women are natural inhabitants of it. They flow on a monthly basis. They rise to the occasion of giving birth and raising children. They lose their natural talents as women when they strive to achieve in the outer-driven male-oriented world.

Women are not the weaker sex. We are equal with men but different from them. We have different functions and different strengths. I support anything that represents the truth and the truth is that women are rising and falling at all points of the circle and strengthening each other by peaceful and powerful creative ventures.

My way of rising is to write, but I don’t focus on being a woman. I write as who I am, which happens to be female. I have no sexual agenda, nor should I. I simply exist to be a breath of God.

Vicki Woodyard

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The Great Mantra of “I am.”

Leonard Cohen’s song Treaty is a powerful one. I have listened to it many times and tried to glean its meaning. Here is what I have so far. When he says, “Only one of us was real, and that was me,” he is referring to the principle of “I am.” This is the essential Self given to each person born into this world.

Here is how I put it.

“I have been reflecting on Treaty again as I listen to it many times over. I have been on the path for most of my life and this is how it is resonating with me for the moment. He could be talking about any relationship between 2 human beings. When he says “Only one of us was real,” he is speaking of the “I am” awareness. In this sense, his “I am” is real, so the other is merely a projection he is making onto the beloved. He is saying that projections are not real.

Each of us is the “I am”, of course and so human relationships have this built-in dilemma of there being only one who is real. Each person could say the same thing about the other.

Two people can love each other, but the unreality of the personality will never permit a true treaty.”

When we say “I am,” that is a complete sentence and a deep profession of truth. Any adjectives we attach to it are unnecessary. “I am” stands alone as the greatest teaching of all times. It is generic; i.e., it requires no religion, only consciousness. And consciousness is protected. You cannot say it mechanically and have it mean anything to you. It must be focussed on and respected, as it carries divine protection.

Vick Woodyard

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The Ultimate Intimacy

Knowing yourself as the Self is the ultimate intimacy. Unconditional love for yourself arises. You don’t do anything but sit in the silence, inviting peace. I usually say, “I am in God’s presence now,” and relax into the silence that is always immediately there.

It took me a long time to get to this place. I studied truth for years and years and then one day I had effortless access, sort of like an ATM machine with no limits. I have had no enlightenment experience, rather, one crisis after another over a period of many years.

Lately I have been reading many accounts of people who have awakened and I know that I am not there yet.

“Are we there yet, are we there yet?” ask the spiritual seeking children in the backseat of the enlightenment limo. Those who have arrived have a lot to say about the silence. Much of it is helpful and most is not.

The most helpful information comes from those who do not wax overly eloquent. Although I have read tons of tomes, usually they did not have the energy contained in some of the pithier statements. I guess it’s like the guy said, “If I had had more time, I could have written you a shorter letter.”

Find an energy statement that works for you and work it. Here are a few of my favorites:

Let it have you.

Let everything unfold.

I choose to love myself.

And finally, meditate on the word inevitability.

We will get there when we get there—inevitably.

From Life With A Hole In It: That’s How the Light Gets In.

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What I have learned the hard way….

I have been a caregiver for years on end, so I am somewhat of an expert on it. I did it all the hard way and the wrong way, thanks to my innate perfectionism. I was a hoverer and a busybody all rolled into one. Over-connected to the other person, I lost myself early on in the process. But think about it, I was caregiver for a three-year-old facing a fatal childhood cancer. There was no way I could have done it right. I was being shattered on an hourly basis.

I had not learned much when my husband got his cancer over twenty years later. I still felt a hundred percent in charge of the whole thing. And I was! He was not only physically ill, but had suffered a psychotic break as a reaction to his first harsh chemotherapy. He was my child, just as she had been.

They say that most widows/widowers fall ill much more than the average person. That was not true in my case. I had become such an expert in caring for them that I knew I would be prone to illness. I spent much of the first year resting and seldom even had a cold.

Last week I came down with shingles. I had been on two rounds of antibiotics for a urinary tract infection, so that opened the door for the shingles virus to come in. Ironically, I had just seen the doctor for an annual checkup and all of my labs were good. Go figure.

I was diagnosed last week, and now I am already feeling better. I had one pain episode so bad I totally panicked, but that has not happened again, knock on wood. I have been diligent about taking the anti-viral medicine and putting cortisone where it itches.

I write about the hard things in life, for that has been my life. All the nonsense has been knocked out of me and I relish the small things in life, the simple delights never fail. The ability to say no, to close the door and be alone, to read and meditate and take a walk….all fulfill me.

So I am now playing catch-up with the blog. I am here if anyone needs me, but not here if you don’t. Blogs seem to be going out of style. Facebook holds a greater and greater appeal to me. Fortunately, I had many people praying for my quick recovery on Facebook, and that was a great blessing.

See you down the road,
Vicki

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Be Still and Know….

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A Rare Post

I don’t post on my blog much. I have tried, but Facebook is so much easier and it reaches far more people. So just know that you can find me on Facebook daily. I am writing about what I know best, of course. What it is like to live in this world, having lost a child and a spouse to cancer.

These days I am about simplicity and gratitude, on self-care and the knowledge that I am the Self. This Self that I am has risen above the teachings of any mortal. I leave that to others. Now is the time for me to reclaim my own inner wisdom.

I saw the doctor today for the first time in a year. She is from India and we have an excellent rapport. I don’t have to return until next year unless I have a problem. All of my lab work was normal and I am so grateful for that.

When I write about Vernon Howard, people are always interested. But he died in 1992. I got to spend 7 years under his tutelage and am forever grateful for that. Dependency on any teacher or teaching is meant to be outgrown.

If you are to donate to the blog/my work, you can do this via my Donate Button via PayPal. It always helps me maintain the cost of what I do. Buying one of my 3 books helps as well.

Vicki Woodyard

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The Christ Consciousness

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