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- A Guru in the Guest Room
- About Vicki Woodyard
- Being With Vernon Howard
- Bigger Than The Sky
- Bigger Than the Sky – A Radical Awakening
- Donations Gratefully Accepted!
- Vicki Woodyard On Grief, Loss and Enlightenment
- Vicki Woodyard Speaks
- Vicki Woodyard Wisdoms
- Vicki’s Book, Life With A Hole In It: That’s How The Light Gets In
- Vicki’s new book – Bigger Than The Sky
So here is where I am. I have a damned good bullshit detector and I plan to keep using it. On myself first of all. I still care what you think of me and my writing and to that I say, “Oh, grow up!” I just stole a line from the late Joan Rivers, for whom I sold oneliners for many years. She never paid me what they were worth, another case of me writing for glory instead of for myself.
As for my precious books, I now see the bullshit of trying to sell them to a public that has no interest in them. Even on Facebook, my so-called Friends pass me up in favor of the popularizers. I ain’t no popularizer. Never have been. Never will be.
This fourth book may never see the light of day. Too good to market to the multitude. Too full of hard-won truth without any buzz words or quick fixes.
I won’t be going away. How could I? That in me that was never born can never die or quit writing quite yet.
I asked a trusted friend to read the ms. and he assured me it probably won’t sell, being too full of truth. And he confirmed something I have suppressed for a long time. I need to move on, to accept the love and devotion of a son I have such great fears about losing. I act as if I have already lost him. He, who is now protective of me to an amazing degree. The tears fall in gratitude to him for putting up with me.
You see, I have a certain power I was born with and can’t get rid of. He once told me it was difficult to live within it. And I am so sorry that I have misused it, misunderstood it and given it away to people who can never love me for who I am.
This Vicki in her mid-seventies, is deserving of the whole kingdom of heaven. She, who was broken for a reason, now heals by having enough humility to cry out to God the whole day long. And feel she is being heard. No one else matters but this God within me who manages the God without me as well. And the two shall become one.
I understand I have online enemies. Hallelujah for that. Those that misunderstand are welcome to continue in that vein. I also have online supporters who feel I bring a certain energy to them that is always welcome. I think it is called honesty.
So this is where I am. Not a bad place to be. In humility and gratitude for what is real.
Before I traveled to hear Vernon Howard speak, I had dreamt of being in the desert. Inside a hotel, I entered an elevator with a woman guide. She took us to the bottom level and then pointed upwards and we could see the sky. These were her words, “You have to go down to look up. You see two stars that are not in right relationship to themselves.” I was also shown a school where the windows were insulated and protected. Only later did I realize that the dream was a precognitive one pointing me to him, for he lived in the desert outside of Las Vegas.
Later I dreamt of seeing the constellation Leo outlined in red stars and I called the local observatory to ask when Leo would be in the ascendancy. I planned a trip to see Vernon when that would happen. I did not speak with him but at the break, a student said to me, “Would you like to stargaze a little?” And we stepped outside and looked up at the vast array of stars and I knew I had been guided.
When I heard of his impending death, I asked for a sign that we would not be separated. The next evening Bob and I were having dinner at a restaurant that overlooked Lake Mead. Two double rainbows arched across the lake and again, I knew that it was indeed a sign.
Vernon died in 1992 and his group split into several factions. His secretary went with one that established New Life in Arizona. Before I knew of this, I dreamt of mountains, black bears and hummingbirds. His school is on the Mongollan Rim in Arizona, the restaurant across the road was The Black Bear and his secretary lived on the grounds and worked in a building called Hummingbird.
That is not the only time I was guided by my dreams. I dreamt of meeting a teacher in Hawaii and traveled to Maui searching for him. By many different signs, I found him on the Hana Highway and was told that I was the Self. I was not ready to hear that yet, but still, the message was delivered.
All of the signs I received were about geology, about the earth and sky. These are hidden in my deep soul and my mind has no conscious access to them. This is how we travel the mystic path, unhindered by the rational mind. This is how we come home.
Blah blah blah, said the spiritual teacher, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And the student, wise beyond his years while wet behind his ears, had no reply.
Blah, blah, blah, the teacher went on, looking bored with it all.
The student was not taking notes or looking at the teacher with rapture or devotion. In fact, he was readying himself to get up and leave.
A dog came round the corner and ignored the teacher completely. It went over to the student and wagged his tail furiously.
The two got up and left and the blah, blah, blah stopped, as if even the teacher wanted to be with the dog.
So here it is. If your being is not in love with someone, it’s over. For only being counts. Everything else is just marking time. This applies to spiritual teachers as well. If you are looking for a teacher to love you back, you are looking in the right place. For being mirrors being, always.
This love is effortless, pure and eternal. It has nothing to do with the human experience. It is far above that. Most of us spend a whole lifetime looking for the truth and for a true teacher. Many come forward willing to play that role. But something is amiss. Figure it out and you will be onto something real.
Everything about the ego is phony, fishy and suspect. Don’t fall for the trap of the online guru trolling for disciples.
Well, then, you may ask, how do I find a true teacher? Keep asking. They that seek shall find.
Sept. 13, 2016
Rob and I are seeing Don Theo this afternoon. I wake up feeling as if it is Christmas morning. A deep sweet silent anticipation of seeing him glows within me. Although Vernon Howard taught me truth, Theo exemplifies healing love and silence. For these days silence is what my soul expresses best. It is drawn to teachings that go far beyond words. Words are just signposts and once you reach your destination, they are not necessary any longer.
Rob and I got to the place where Don Theo was giving his energy attunements. He was at lunch, though. Soon I saw him walk up to Decatur Healing Arts, sipping something from a paper cup. He stopped to finish his drink and then came through the door.
We greeted each other with warm hugs, him saying I looked wonderful. I went to the restroom and then entered the treatment room. We talked a while, me telling him what symptoms had been bothering me, so he would know what to focus on.
This is the fourth time he has worked on me and the hour sped by. At the end of the visit, I said, “You’re my teacher, aren’t you?” and he smiled and said a simple yes.
Rob had a session with him following mine and then we went across the courtyard to a pub and both had wonderful sandwiches. Took a few photos that I will post separately. While at DCA, Susan, the owner, suggested that the Kwan Yin cards were fun, so I drew one. This is what it said:
Grace comes from the Heavenly Court with all its faces, Honor follows with its blessings and there’s no hitch—you use it, and everything goes well for you….all life, you see (can you?) is caught up in Heaven.”
Rob fooled around with the Elvis pinball machine in the pub and as we walked to the car, I saw a huge cloud with a silver lining. Will post a photo of it, although it was much more dramatic than the picture shows.
All in all, a grace-filled day and I can’t go to sleep just yet. Guess I am overstimulated by all the good fortune.
I come to you with a love above the opposites. With a grace that has no face. With utter abnegation of my own will. And this is not a love of my own doing, but of my own being.
For doing belongs only to the omni-will, of the one Father-Mother of us all.
I come to you with no agenda, but a sure knowledge that all personal agendas break down and betray the planner.
I come to you with a blank slate and a broken pen.
I come to you with no fortune and no fame. I come to you like blessed rain.
I come to you with no desire and no fear, for love would have me leave these to the wind.
I come to you with my broken hopes and dreams, for they have been redeemed in the fire, turned into the jewel in the lotus.
I come to you with no price tag and no hope of prospering from you.
A love above the opposites would have me leave you and forsake you so that you, too, can become love above the opposites.
This love will bring the only joy you will ever know and it must be shared instantaneously in all times and in all places.
Wherever you go, there I am.
Vernon Howard said this: “You will always get your spiritual gold.” How true that is. And while I know that intellectually, my emotions often don’t have a clue. And that is how we learn of our self-division.
Let’s say I take umbrage at something someone says to me and I react. In that case, I get no spiritual gold. But if I review the exchange and realize that I was wrong to take umbrage, I get my spiritual gold.
Vernon went on to say, “Stop paying and learn how to get paid.” This is another way of saying that we are paying the price when we react from our egos. The price is self-evident. Our blood pressure goes up and we do a slow burn. But once we see this, we get paid. So if you are sincere about doing your inner work, you always get paid.
Jesus said, “Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth.” Same thing. Our true treasure lies in seeing how wrong we are in trying to force anything earthly to reward us.
And we don’t have to look far to see where our inner work lies. “Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” The work is to be done now. Oh, we fall down and go to sleep time and time again, but as the old guru told his disciple, “When you fall, just get back up!”