My friend Phil gave me some wonderful advice a few years ago. It was this: “Learn to drink while you pour.” I had not heard that before. I got two donations today after I published “The Jesus Prayer” note. That was a cool drink of water for me. Everyone wants to be appreciated for what they do and that nourished and nurtured me, since both men thanked me for what I am doing.

Vicki is a mess, just like everyone else. When you study your own mind up close and personal, it could use a good housecleaning and a good talking-to! I have been cleaning up my office and it is quite a job. There are lots of things on my dining table/desk that need to go, but where to put them? I put an old office chair out with the garbage but I doubt they will pick it up. If not, I asked Rob if he would take it to Good Will.

I love writing about how things are going with me. For years there was only darkness and that was when my best writing was done. Now there are only average days. Sometimes I get quite bored and restless, but not enough to motivate me to change anything. I am grateful for the peace that has come, finally.

At this point I seldom learn anything new. I read fiction now and I heartily recommend “Four Letters of Love” by Niall Williams, an Irish writer. There is something in that book that is positively magical for me. After finishing it, I keep returning to it.

At night I watch the news and Jeopardy and whatever else might appeal to me. I work crossword puzzles, but they have to be hard to interest me. Other than that, there is silence and the hard work of the heart. It doesn’t want to give up, yet it trembles in fear that it will have to at some point. It still hopes for mystery, magic and that ineffable sense of guidance. Sometimes a slender thread is thrown out and we catch it, knowing that all of the suffering will be worth it. I don’t know. I keep reading the words of Leonard Cohen and feeling grateful that he was alive. His words and music still are. That is all we can ask.

Vicki Woodyard