I haven’t been able to come up with a note today. Nothing wrong. I went to the grocery. Had delicious shrimp for dinner. Enjoyed chocolates from Christmas. Drank coffee. Dropped in on my neighbor. Watched TV. Now it’s bedtime.

I have serious insomnia lately. Hours go by before I get a few hours sleep. I don’t feel tired the next day, either.

Time drags this time of year. Flu is scaring everyone to death. I got my flu shot but I am still leery of crowds due to my immune system being compromised several months ago. Outside of grocery shopping and brief trips to the mall, I am mostly at home.

All ideas about enlightenment have fallen away. There is just me and the rest of the universe hanging out together. Sometimes I play like I am winning and at other times the universe takes on that role. There is friction, drama, but never any real resolution. There can’t be any on this impossibly dual planet.

There is nothing to do but be. Sometimes I am good at it and at other times I am bad at it. Roles are played for our enjoyment and amusement. No one ever gives the show away.

We act as if we care about politics, about changing the world, about self-improvement. We deliver our lines so skillfully.

Music drifts down through the clouds of consciousness and this helps calm us. Words from the wise help, as do the antics of comedians. Sometimes I laugh helplessly at the dumbest things. To keep myself from crying.

I can never get a handle on sorrow, so I carry it around without complaining. I know it so well. It has shaped itself around my life so totally that I can’t tell the difference between us. Maybe that’s acceptance, who knows?

Vicki Woodyard