Today I am cranky. Somebody by the name of Sharon Annable (God bless her) suggested I write about it and I would feel better. So…

I got in touch with createspace.com, who published A Guru in the Guest Room. Turns out they don’t carry it on amazon.com in Canada. I Googled this issue up and apparently, many authors do not have their books on amazon.ca. What a frustration. So I did what any chocolate-lovin’ crankypants would do. I ate a Butterfinger, not that there’s any chocolate in there, but it would do.

Then I drove to the Post Office and bought me some postage. I went postal! I pity the poor fools behind me, as Mr. T. would say. For I had to explain to the man behind the counter that I wanted him to weigh my book inside the padded mailer and then count me out postage times ten (to mail within the U.S.)

He began the seemingly arduous task of doing this complicated maneuver in a tiny post office that could have been located in outer Siberia. The Kroger grocery has moved, so it stands gutted and unoccupied. A few other stores have closed shop. This poor post office is doomed and the man figuring out the price of stamps for me knew it. He had an aura of futile pleasantness about him. So did I. We knew it was useless to rebel. The system had us where it wanted us. In this dinky little subsection of middle-class America.

Behind me stood the restless natives. Not many,—mainly senior citizens who have learned the high cost of vigorous rebellion. Some few have learned to sleep on their feet. Not me. I stood there watching this poor soul work his calculator and figure out how to separate stamps from each pane. What a pane!

Then just for fun, I decided I wanted to find out how much it would cost to mail copies of my book to Canada. That having been said, he drew in his breath quietly, as if he were thinking, “When Canada freezes over,” but that happens all the time, doesn’t it? I stood there aging rapidly, realizing that my brain cells were dying at an alarming rate. And all for what? To make sure I had the correct postage to mail signed copies of A Guru in the Guest Room. I would make more money robbing nuns at gun point. Futility, thy name is small-time spiritual writer. Ah, yes, I am a spiritual being, albeit a cranky one.

Finally, he delivered the goods, Two cellophane envelopes stuffed with different postage stamps. They go by the names “Navaho Jewelry,” “Wisdom,” “Wedding,” “Purple Heart” and “American Clock.”

I don’t know which stamps will be on your mailing envelope but the price for me to recover from that trip to the post office, come home and have a mini-breakdown and figure out which stamps go on which mailer to which state or country comes to $18 within the United States and $24 international. The thrill of reading A Guru in the Guest Room? All together now….Priceless!

*I will personally sign each and every copy sent to each and every address and yes….Canada is included under the international umbrella.)” O Canada

Vicki “Navaho Jewelry Wisdom Wedding Purple Heart American Clock” Woodyard
It doesn’t get any better than this.