I woke up around one a.m. The room had gotten too hot and I had gone to bed too early. So I got up and had a few cookies and then went back to sleep. In the first dream I had, everything in the neighborhood was collapsing and ultimately we hit the lowest level. Then we began to build it back up. There was destruction everywhere but we were working together to rebuild. And then I woke up before we reached the normal level.
Such a strange dream it was. I was shown how to throw light from my fingers and cause things to appear. I could jump high with no effort and so could others.
The next dream was a typical lost-in-life one where I was trying to get a necklace chain untangled and couldn’t. There was a heart locket on it. I wore a heavy robe that I couldn’t get my hands through and couldn’t arrange the collar properly. I couldn’t hear or see well.
I was glad to wake up and eat breakfast. Why am I recounting my crazy dreams? They are part of my life, like it or not. I always wonder how my brain can construct the perfect set for say, a neighborhood collapse.
Obviously, when we live in our heads, nothing can go right. We are always trying and ever missing the mark. It seems so simple, doesn’t it? It should be so obvious by now that grace never comes from overthinking!
Yet our fearful ego is desperate to plan us right out of our grace!
This year I have a few aims to make.
Turn negative statements into positive ones.
When I was so sick recently, my son told me to just let things happen. That is because I was so anxious to get better that I was fighting myself. My head was ruling my heart and it wasn’t helping.
We had a terrible moment in the kitchen where I was shouting at him and all he could do was defend himself. It was truly awful and all my fault. This is the spiritual path; it happens when suppression no longer works and the ugly False Self seizes the day. This is what I learned from Vernon Howard. We are far worse off than our conscious mind can ever know. We truly live only by the grace of a real surrender.
And so I write my life and hand you all copies. You can probably identify with having crazy dreams and deep regrets for wounding loved ones. Confession and repentance are vital to an honest inner life.
Well, I am gonna wash my hair and go to the grocery. It is a cold day down south, but I am tired of being home so much, so I shall enjoy the shopping.