The Edge of Enlightenment
I had been pursuing enlightenment for most of my adult life. I thought that my sorrows had entitled me to it and I was determined to mine them for the gold they gave me. I honored them as you would honor anyone you love.
Finally I got to the very edge of enlightenment and looked down into the abyss. It was no longer frightening but encouraging. As I clung, my arms grew tired and my breathing labored. How much longer could I hold on?
At first I had tried to clamber up over the edge but I was not that strong. Infinity lay above me and below me and I was one scared spiritual student. Devoid of strength, I now realized that strength was not ever what I had needed.
What did I need but to let go and let the parachute of faith open? It was strapped to my back. All I had to do was let go.
It seemed like lifetimes went by while I clung to the edge of my most cherished dreams of what enlightenment would be like. The carousel ponies of hope had been bedecked with garlands of gold. I had ridden them all as if they were real.
Suddenly the moment came when my fingers could no linger cling and I found myself in *free will. I remain there to this day. Ironically, free will is a choiceness way to discover that love is who you are.
I haven’t landed yet and I have no time to talk to others in free will and the ones that cling are not ready to listen yet. It is also hard to know the difference between them.
*I intended to write free fall. The first time it worked. The second time that I typed “freefall” it turned into “freewill.” I tried retyping and it still turned into “freewill.” I tried again and the same thing happened. So I let the spirit direct me to write free will instead of freefall. Now the entire theme has changed. I leave it up to you to feel the difference. That is how freewill works. (It just happened again). This is the first miracle, perhaps.
*I just reread the note and saw that instead of choiceless, the word choiceness had been chosen. This is not a real word, but the meaning is clear.