I woke up before four a.m. Got up and had some cocoa and toast with butter and jam. Went back to bed and had a big dream. Without going into a lot of details, I found freedom in it. My mother had dementia and was in a nursing home. She let me know she disliked me a lot. I found myself telling people about this. I also had my purse stolen while in a hospital where she was staying. I was carrying one credit card and a lot of cash. I planned to leave some money with her.
I saw a surgeon and told him about my purse being stolen. I said,”I was in an altered state, being tired and sad, otherwise I would have been careful.”
Someone was filming a brief documentary about my mother and while we were waiting, I went into the restroom and put a thick amount of index cards on an empty toilet tissue roll and it disappeared. So I told this surgeon and a nurse about it. The surgeon and I ended up in a conversation. He was posing questions to me. He must have asked me what I could do about my mother’s disliking me. I said, in so many words, that I had loved her deeply and completely and if that wasn’t enough……!
He was very pleased with my answer and remarked on my genuine sense of humor. But I told him I was still anxious. He said there was something I needed to do. What was that? Throw away my notes! He meant the stack of index cards I had been carrying around. He and the nurse showed me how to laugh deeply, involving my whole body.
I was rejoicing over his wisdom. The nurse said they did this in the restroom, filming it complete with audio. These were healing sessions they were doing with great joy. I said I wanted to be a part of it. Then she said, “Well, we do it in the nude,” as if making a very joyful joke. And then I woke up.