For so many years the grief was winning. Had me chained to my mind. Thoughts taking me where I didn’t want to go. That is the nature of grief. The heart shattered and the mind making things worse.

I tried to keep up the semblance of a spiritual practice because it meant so much to me. The grief work had to be done in spite of that. In spite of the grief cleaning my emotional clock more than once a day.

Stopping up my nose. Making me sleepless at night. Forcing me to try and heal when it was much too early for that to happen. One simply cannot force healing on a grieving parent or spouse.

If I am frank, I found myself totally alone in my grief. That is how it is with us all. No one stands shoulder to shoulder in the dead of midnight.

Now I am growing stronger. Surprisingly, I find myself venturing out into a world that has been waiting for me to discover it. Like today, having lunch alone. The waiter and I had a lovely chat as I waited for my entree.

I was able to see more clearly that I have missed out on so many things other people take for granted. Now I am able to make up for lost time any time I choose to do so.

Grief is a mystery that one never gets a handle on. It will happen again, but never on such a large scale, surely. Hopefully my time now will be spent enjoying simple things and knowing how grateful I am.

For all of you grieving, I have no advice. For grief and advice simply do not mix. They are oil and water. In your grief, you know best. You know the harshest truths up close and personal. They cannot be shared, nor would you really want them to be.

Economy of energy is essential when you are grieving. Say no. Take the phone off the hook. Get a massage. Buy some scented candles and lovely soaps. Eat chocolates and take walks. Go to the mall and alone and mingle with strangers anonymously. That is what I did.

The spiritual teachings will wait for you to find them again. God has never once left your side. He is just too wise to cram himself down your throat in the name of healing. Yes, I said that. I will say anything that hits the keyboard. Some may think me idiotic; I know I am. I also know who I am and where I belong. In the heart of healing, in the mystery of God.

Vicki Woodyard