Hell is hell and heaven is heaven. Don’t get them confused. I was in hell twice when my child and spouse died. I lived there for year after year after year. Heaven was simply a remembered concept that I could not access.
Grief is hell and let no one tell you otherwise. Just accept the hell and it will end when it ends, not one minute before. You grieve alone and it is physically and emotionally exhausting.
There is an ebb and flow to it, though, and when it ebbs, go do something pleasurable. Go to the mall and indulge yourself. Go to the library and lose yourself as long as you can. Hell will find you soon enough.
Heaven is when you are able to do inner work on yourself. It might not feel like it, but you are bringing in higher and finer energies. Ultimately they will reach a point where you KNOW that you are love itself and therefore you will be okay.
I did inner work in hell for years, too. But I pushed on day after day, holiday after holiday. I found that holidays were an extra measure of hell. Now I scarcely do anything about them. I just let them pass.
In hell I became a better and better writer. I pounded out my feelings every day to keep from pounding myself emotionally. Now I tell it like it is and some of you like that a lot. For people in our lives die and it takes a toll on us that society never quite acknowledges.
I should wrap this up and I hope this note wraps you up in a hug if you are in pain or suffering. I am here for you as I keep doing my inner work, come what may.