Who I am is not easily discernible. First off, I am throwing off signals in every direction. We all are. We do it automatically, like breathing. The atmosphere is filled with vibrational conversations between both human and non-human species. We are electrically charged and emotionally-driven. We are, you guessed it, fully human and fully divine.

I know I must cut back on sugar but I am drawn to it like a bee to honey. I open the lustrous metallic wrapper on a piece of coconut candy. Ah, this must be sensory enlightenment. And yet it is bad for me. Such is the condition of the FHFD Syndrome.

As I sit in the mellow January morning light I know the state of “No mind; I am the Self.” I am the filtered light on the river birch trees in my front yard. I know the absolute and I know the relative. And thus you might say I have come to self-knowledge. And I still get scared and feel my heart pouring tears into the atmosphere.

As the Self that I am, I am being tailed by the Divine Presence. It also goes before me to insure I am in the right place at the right time. I am fueled by grace and fed by Source. And yet I look in the mirror and wish I had worn braces. Sometimes I like myself and at other times I reject myself. All in the name of God’s Play. As Dr. Raynor C. Johnson said, “There is light and shadow all the way.”

I love Leonard Cohen’s line, “I’m guided by a signal from the heavens. I’m guided by this birthmark on my skin.” I have a birthmark on my right little finger. When I was learning left from right, my mother would say, “Your birthmark is on your right hand, Vicki.” And now it is so much a part of me that when people ask what happened to my hand, I say that it is just a birthmark. I think God is the same way. He is so much a part of us that He is taken for granted.

When you have self-diagnosed as having the FHFD Syndrome, you can relax a bit. You can quit aspiring to perfection and relax into what God created you to be. Himself and yourself, which is exactly the same thing. Cool.

Vicki Woodyard