False Hope

I woke up this morning after a nightmare, the third one in a row. Many of you sent me love last night. Thank you. Love has a way of pushing its way in through the ego’s defenses, just as fear and negativity do. None of us are safe in our flimsy little structures of separation. We will be loved and hated no matter what we do.

As I said, I do not write for money. It is only my ego that wants my book to sell. I do not need donations; I really don’t. My ego tries to tell me that other writers get paid, why not me. Don’t listen to it, I say. Just keep writing. And I am choiceless in this matter.

I love getting comments, as all writers do. I especially like the honest ones; the ones where you say how human you are. For all of this neoadvaita crap is like eating piles of sugar with no salt. It has no savor. The savior arrives when we see this. “There is none good, no, not one.”

I wish you could see me. Sitting here in my black robe with its leopard collar. Furry slippers and my aging face. I ordered some Oil of Olay Definity from Amazon because I vowed to take better care of myself. I use Pond’s as a moisturizer. I wear no eye makeup and refuse to give up my bifocals. However, I do need to get trifocals for the computer screen. Ah, the wonders of being 69, such a rude age to be 🙂

I am one powerful old broad, all things considered. I have bent remarkably but never broken. Never made it to the funny farm stage. There is such an overwhelming sense of loss with me that it gives my readers hope that they, too, can overcome anything. The tears behind these eyes are real. Lately I know my daughter is desperate to reassure me that she is always with me.

What matters to me is these hints of heaven that are coming in through the grace of others. They are bent on helping me through this part of my life. A life that looks like one of increasing solitude; it is this I have chosen and therefore must embrace. For I have no interest in cultivating a social life. Never have, never will. I find myself the happiest when I am doing what I am doing now. Letting the light shine through fingers that know they are about their Father’s business.


Comments welcomed....