“May my soul transcend my daily anxiety!”
From a poem by Maurice Nicoll
In the dark night of this lifetime I have had a golden angel. It has come to me as the inclination of my soul to seek the light. That is how it works. You bleed and cry and faint and pray, never knowing anything for sure except that it seems to hurt to love. But that very pain is what is spurring us on. The stronger it is, the more seeking there will be. The mystery of love is that it isn’t mental and it isn’t physical. It does not even have to do with the ego in any way, shape or form. You might say it is angelic.
It is a good thing that we only know our angels from hearsay or we would grow too familiar. We would end up sending them to TJ Maxx looking for markdowns or asking them to help us make grilled-cheese sandwiches. I think angels should be reserved for higher things than finding parking places just to prove that they exist, although I hear that they do that, too.
Those of you who know my writing know that it is about my experiences with the spiritual path and with my family’s cancer. I try not to exaggerate or overstate my case–it is a soul-shattering experience. That is why the need for angels. I have studied the books and thrown them away–memorized the highlights and stuffed them into my psyche. It has not changed me one iota. My teacher was right–the spirit is the only place that we will ever find rest. As Dr. Nicoll says, “All knowledge passes into love of God.”
He goes on to say,
“There is daily suffering and daily suffering,
But only right suffering releases.
There is a place within to suffer rightly
And when found, God enters in.”
Angels are a reality in a higher realm than we can reach. They don’t just materialize when we sing Christmas carols, either. They must be shedding their glow as our tears fall into the planet Earth. We want to do better than we are–that is why we need angels to minister to us.
Sometimes there is no other reason for love bending down to bless us–our need has called it to us and angels are funnels for fortitude and faith to pour into our lonely hearts. I am glad I have a golden angel spurring me on. Otherwise the night would be too dark and deep.