I have clothes in the dryer and have already washed my hair. This afternoon I’ll make soup to have on hand when Rob gets in from Memphis. He and a friend saw The Who in Memphis last night. More about the Memphis trip later.

Every day for almost a week now, I have been putting the seventh book together. Mercy, I have written so many, many essays. It is hard to winnow the harvest, she said giggling. To be honest, editing is hard work, whereas the words blow in like a warm breeze. I get my “word net” (my Mac) and throw them onto a blank page until it is filled. Then I open the next page and the next. This is my calling.

I am not sure when the book will be ready; but I know now that few people will want it. Truth is for the few, plus I don’t have a publishing house. Just me, myself and I.

Time, albeit an illusion, hangs heavy for me these days. I can do what needs to be done easily and I have many hours of time left over.

The tremor (a full body one) is invisible at this stage. I feel it but probably no one notices it but me. This morning I discover that it is in my voice box, which is much lower since I got the virus that caused the tremor. It makes me feel strung out and because of that, my life is as easy as I can make it. Tremors always get worse and there is no cure, so I am making hay while the sun shines.

My neuropathy is handled by medication plus honoring my limits, as Dr. Bernie Siegel wrote to me in an email when I asked for his advice. “Honor your limits.” That means I have given up driving, travel and anything that I sense would tire me out. Writing refreshes me, so I keep writing.

Yeah, some of you have read what I write many times over. I try to keep the words fresh, but the content remains the same. “It is my life to honor.” I never wrote that before and I like it, I really, really like it. My late husband and daughter would want me to do exactly that and my son understands it himself. Walk on, pilgrim spirit, walk on.

Vicki Woodyard.

Here I sit on the third day of being alone in the house and nothing has gotten done. Instead I watch YouTube videos and watch TV. What is wrong with me?

The grass got cut and the man said he had a bad cold so he wouldn’t come in to blow the back deck. I hope it wasn’t Covid. That is how the mind works.

Why am I working on the ebook so hard that I had to take two days off after trying to wrangle the material into shape? It’s just my nature, I suppose.

I also love solitude, which happens after I stop watching videos. It is then that I am most myself. I am not myself when I am fretfully thinking about the future.

It is important to be unserious as often as possible, at least for me. That is why I watch so much TV and videos on my Mac. They are grounding for me. Today I watched a video made by a Japanese couple living in Paris. She goes about her day and her husband films it. Very calming.

“When there is nothing to do, do it,” she said facetiously.

I am surrounded by angels and I do nothing that can impress them. But then again, they do nothing to impress me.

The silence holds all of us in its inescapable embrace and we struggle to escape, nevertheless.

I want to look good, feel good and behave good. That is my ego typing this.

No one can act themselves into existence, for the part they play is real and the actor knows that someday he will be dragged off the stage kicking and screaming.

The question, “Who am I?” is yet to be answered. Silence is idiot-proofed.

Vicki Woodyard

P.S.
So few readers these days. Where did everyone go? I am posting again on FB and am being read there. Apparently blogs are not as popular as FB.

Rob is about to go out the door; he is taking an Uber to the airport. He will meet up with my sister and her “sweetie,” as she calls him. He is looking forward to eating at Pete and Sam’s, a family favorite since the fifties! He will meet an Atlanta friend and go to the Who on Friday night and they will drive home on Saturday. In that length of time I will work on the ebook.

The weather is gorgeous today; I must get out for a short walk soon.

I was watching a YouTube channel run by a Japanese woman living with her husband in Paris. She has such an elegant style, mixing both old and new things. I have never had a sense of style except with my writing. There I roam the universe of words, matching deep feelings with light humor and a touch of grace. I know the terrain of grief so well that I am free to do with it what I will.

Today the video I watched was about her furniture, china and food, always food. I have pared down the house to an alarming extent, knowing that when I move, few things will go with me. She makes me want to get out and do some antiquing, even though I have no use for things anymore. Beauty is always in style, though, isn’t it?

I have always thought that spiritual teachings were the most beautiful things because of their simplicity and depth at the same time. And I love one-liners because of their brevity.

I am still making overnight oats; they fill me up so I can cut back on sugary treats.

Well, au revoir, see you in the funny papers, as they used to say.

Vicki Woodyard

Here is her youtube channel:

There is a thread that runs through every true teaching. It is something that the world knows nothing about because it is not of this world.

Men and women live as if they knew what they were doing. As Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” He was and is right and he gave his life to bring that teaching through to each one of us. (And we are all one.)

Why is it so hard to wake up and realize that we were born into this sleeping world to become conscious? It is hard because it is a carefully guarded secret. It must be passed along the golden thread of Truth and those that are unready are deaf, dumb and blind to it.

Having lived most of my life in a state of sleep, I know whereof I speak. I speak as someone rubbed raw by living on this sleeping planet. Starving for true affection and never finding it. Why? Because it comes down from a higher plane than human consciousness.

In this modern day, millions of people are dying from war and starvation and disease. It can be no other way; it is the result of people not wanting to grow spiritually. I don’t mean the innocent children; I mean adults that think they are too smart to bow down before a higher principle than their egos.

I pound out words on this Mac that turn into essays and into books. Every day is a challenge for me and most days I fail to meet it. You see, I have had a true teacher this lifetime and he had to yell at us to drive the message home: “Wake up!”

Two words that contain the answer to the secret of life. Wake up. Wake up now. You can’t wake up yesterday or tomorrow. Only now. Do it. Now.

Vicki Woodyard

There has been a lull in my writing which is not planned. It’s probably because I am working on the ebook.

Tidbits: I am eating overnight oats now and they really stick to your ribs. You can watch videos to find different recipes.

You can also watch videos on how to wake up; unfortunately they do not stick to your mind like the oats stick to your ribs.

It’s okay to get yelled at by an awakened man.

It is equally okay to be awakened by a silent man or woman.

Grace is a given; it is we who paper over it with thoughts.

The war in Ukraine has brought the country into the hell realms. And since everything is one, the world is also in the hell realms.

Jesus spoke to those living in all times; he knew the world itself is a hell realm. That’s why he said his kingdom is not here.

There is always hope, but not for the mind. Hope arises in a defeated mind when all of its options have been blocked. As Jesus said to the two thieves beside him on the cross. “This day thou shalt be with me in paradise.”

Amen.

Vicki Woodyard

Dividing yourself into two is a teaching put forth by Gurdjieff and taught in the Work. We think we behave coherently and that most of the time we are right. Not! All you have to do is begin to witness what you are actually like. This is not easy because of our inherent mechanicalness.

Behind the mechanicalness is pure presence, the Witness of the ego’s behavior. We all know this, but actual practicing uses up our vital energy very quickly. Energy is what runs the show and we spend it like a drunken sailor. Then we wonder why we are tired all the time.

It takes a lifetime to become convinced that we are sleepwalkers. We like to think that we are jolly good fellows and on the way to enlightenment. After all, we have read the books!

Those that make it out of hell have written books or had books written about them, but the mind devours them and goes right back to the hell of their mechanical life. As I type this, people are rebelling against the truth because it hurts.

Vernon Howard put us in a world of hurt so we could not deny how deeply wounded we were. Those of us that knew he spoke the truth were grateful that we found him. The price we paid was the denial of how much pain we were in. He put a sign over the door that read, “When the pain gets too bad, come back.”

I write these words to you in a state of pain and remorse. Repentance is on the menu, but I keep forgetting. What reminds me is how much pain I am in.

These days my work in the world is mostly over and I have oodles and beaucoup of silence. The Self is showing through the edges of the ego and I am, oh so grateful.

I write the same things again and again and again. The message must be delivered by many mouths and many hands because it is so vital. You are not your ego and you are never condemned to hell. You are the Self in all beings. You are the Christ Consciousness. You are the True You.

Vicki Woodyard

I worked hard this morning cleaning the bathroom. The two painters finished painting the kitchen cabinets, so we will have to put everything back in place. Rob is going to Memphis next Tuesday for about a week and I will work on the book then.

I want Rob to mop the kitchen floor and vacuum the house for my Mother’s Day gift! In Memphis he will visit the graves of those in our family. That would be my little girl and my husband and my parents. I will not visit Memphis again and I have made my peace with that.

Everything is work and I am considering how to run the blog. Clearly, what I get in donations is not very much and I do not want to do it for free anymore. Too many gems embedded in my work for me to do that….I appreciate those of you who donate!

I will probably cut back on the amount of essays I write, perhaps three versus six or seven. My energy level is not what it used to be and everything is finite while we are in a human body.

Should you feel like making a donation, here is the link:

DONATE TO VICKI’S BLOG….

This morning I am pondering the words of Ramana Maharshi, who says we are all one at the root of our being. This is the final teaching.

We are riding the waves of this precarious life. The tide goes out with my broken heart and back in with all of my blessings intact. How can it be otherwise?

The wonderful new painter will be back this afternoon to touch up my kitchen cabinets. Almost 30 years of blue. They were dark brown before then. I have always liked the blue. He has the name of an angel, Rafael. He has very positive energy and has done a good job on the exterior of the house.

To continue the metaphor of inside and outside the house— the inside of me carries a heavy load of sorrow daily. Rob is going to Memphis to meet my sister and I am not going. I have decided that travel is too difficult for me. I will work on my ebook and spend a lot of time in silence. Editing your own writing is very difficult, I must say.

I have written so much over almost two decades of healing. Onto the pages I have decanted my daily drafts of grief and the occasional spiritual breakthroughs that I have had. I hope you know how my writing has changed me into a different person. That is because I write of both the sacred and the everyday. In a 24-hour period we can feel like we ourselves are the tide and our impermanence is magnified. But who is watching the ebb and flow of our emotions? Answer that question and you will have unified the opposites.

Vicki Woodyard

This is a time in my life for reflection and reflection has always been important to me. More and more I turn to the words of Jesus living his last days on earth. “My kingdom is not of this world.” Because this world is reflecting the inner chaos of its inhabitants.

Here in America, women are losing their rights to have control of their bodies. This does not bode well for us. The Republicans are moving us back to a time when blacks could not vote and women were mainly housewives.

The yin part of American life is disappearing, while the yang predominates. Yes, we are totally out of balance.

As spiritual students we are told to witness everything and that includes the unfair treatment of the already downtrodden.

So with a sigh, I sit and reflect on the way the world is going. Thousands dying at the hand of Vladimir Putin, millions starving worldwide and climate change inevitable.

“My kingdom is not of this world.” So where is it if not within each individual’s higher consciousness? I take refuge in the Buddha, in the Christ, in all saints and sages that have seen through the world and all of its suffering.

May we understand with the depths of our soul that as individuals we will always have our own higher consciousness to return to when we grow weary of this old world. It is time to die to it rather than try to change it. If you argue with that, you have not taken many steps into the depths!

Vicki Woodyard

We do not yet have the power to rebuke evil; only the Christ Consciousness can do that, if we but allow it.

Higher consciousness is not given to all men; it must be earned. Once it is given, it must be used and not talked about. We have enough elaborators and not nearly enough practitioners of the Word.

Silence is the medium most preferred by God. How do I know that? Because man cannot profane it.

In the face of Putin, mere words do not suffice. When he is starving innocent children all over the world, telling him to stop will not do the trick.

Angelic beings are all around us, especially when evil is as close to us as hands and feet.

“Suffer the little children to come unto me, for such is the kingdom of heaven,” said Jesus.

They are not able to deal with Putin on his level while he is stealing food from them, while he is murdering their parents in an unjust war.

Neither the Pope nor the President can stop evil from its appointed rounds, so what can mere mortals do?

All they can do is turn within and surrender themselves unto the Most High. Not to Putin, not to Russia, not to anything but the truth within.

Life on earth is but a play of consciousness.

Love is higher than death.

Live love.

Vicki Woodyard