Absolution for living the lie
is hard to come by.
That being the case, the only
sure cure lies within.
That guilt cage you travel in
is weighing you down.
Spring yourself and fall
into grace.
The winter of your guilty lie
has thawed into mercy.
Vicki Woodyard
Right now all I have is my writing. I am shaking the tree of my life hard so that the ripe fruits will fall down. I share them eagerly and earnestly. Only today they are all sour and tasteless. I offer them to you as if they were your own.
You can’t will someone out of a depression. You will only exhaust your own precious resources.
You can’t talk them out of it.
I am depressed because someone I love is depressed. Simple as that and as complicated.
My peaceful inner life is showing signs of wear and tear but that is how the light gets in.
My nuclear family has been shattered by cancer. This has been a fertile breeding ground for depression, anxiety and feelings of unworthiness.
My essence life is alive and well. It is taking these sour fruits and hurling them against the sky.
The sky can take it.
I am the sky.
Vicki Woodyard was faced with the death of her seven year old daughter from cancer. Already on the spiritual path, she deepened her resolve to continue. In 2000, her husband began his fight against a fatal cancer. This book is for those on the spiritual path and those facing loss of any kind. The book moves from diagnosis to the acceptance of her husband’s death and ends with her finding peace with her path. Her writing rings with resolve, humor and peace–an amalgam of what makes the dark night inevitably turn into light.
“This is a book of truth, wisdom and humor. It comes from the bones, not the brain. A magnificent brew. Buy this book! ”
— Mary Margaret Moore, author of I Come as a Brother: The Teachings of Bartholomew.
“Vicki Woodyard is one of those rare souls who can show us all how to turn the charcoal into a diamond through her creativity. Her words can guide us all to a place of healing.”
–Bernie Siegel, MD, author of Faith, Hope & Healing and 365 Prescriptions For The Soul
“Vicki’s unique voice is honest, direct, and spiritually raw.”
–Josh Baran, The Tao of Now
“This book is a treasure house of one woman’s honest and rigorous journey through loss to Oneness. If you, too, are moving towards Now, towards Here, towards Presence–take Vicki’s book with you.”
–Elsa Joy Bailey, Concord, CA
P.S. If you would like a pdf copy, I can email you one for a $5 donation to the website. Same thing goes for A Guru in the Guest Room. I can email you the Kindle version and save you a few dollars.
I just called my dear friend M. I have not met her in person but she counsels me as a psychic intuitive. She knows my situation well and is the one who “sees” me writing 7 books.
“I’m worried about things lately,” I told her. “Yes, I can hear it in your voice,” she said.
I won’t go into the details because it is personal, but she had some cogent advice for me. “Try and get out of the house and do things you like.”
“I was on the way to Tuesday Morning and the road was under repair. Traffic was awful. Then when I got there, they were closed for inventory so I came home.”
Grief is a spiral journey and inexplicably I am having to go deeper into the grief. It is healing for me to share with readers for some of you are familiar with it yourself.
The Fourth of July found me crying for the loss of my relationship with Bob. Even now, I am crying. I want him back. He isn’t coming back. The summer days are long and hot and I am at my wit’s end.
I have left Facebook because I need to go to an inward place where I am not continuously giving. Facebook is a great place for posting Notes but not so good for getting your own tank filled.
So I am at home, doing some mourning for lost love. If I could not do that, I would become as empty as an old Oatmeal box. Bob loved me with an everlasting love and still does. Sometimes it’s all I can do to hold up my end of the agreement with life. What is that agreement? To be life itself.
I look forward to recording when I get my new microphone. Somehow I know my heart wants to speak out loud. Perhaps a few will listen.
Hi Friends,
I have been invited to record some chapters of A Guru in the Guest Room. Jessica Durivage, of Wheresmyguru.com had me on her show recently and she is being generous enough to let me do more online radio. I look forward to it.
I am excited about it. I did quite a lot of MP3s until my trusty Olympus Recorder software broke and I stopped making them. Now it is time for me to make use of my throat chakra again. There is something about speaking that is very healing for me. It is an alternate way for me to deliver my message.
I just ordered a Yeti mic and if anyone is moved to make a donation to the website to help fund it, that would be great. Maybe if you hear me read A Guru in the Guest Room, you will find yourself smiling. That would be my hope….
Love, Vicki
Entering the silence is like
stepping into a frosty snowscape
nude
or sweltering in a sauna stoked with
bright embers.
Silence will singe your wings
and frost your figurative pumpkin.
Silence knows the score.
I said to silence,
“Shut up and let me breathe.”
But silence put its hand over my
mouth and I gasped for air.
The void needs oxygen;
oxygen needs nothing.
Perhaps if I go out and come
in again, this time it will be fine.