I had remarkably vivid dreams last night, the kind you have to shake off. As I lay in bed, I saw a large hawk in the tree. It gladdened my heart.
After breakfast I sat in silence, watching my thoughts try to gain a foothold. They know what a pushover I am.
Fear feels so real that I work hard trying not to have to experience it. So I try and think my way out of it. Vernon Howard explained this clearly a thousand times a thousand and I still am not able to escape The Land of Fearful Thoughts.
In that land I work full-time at trying to find answers to fearful questions. I do not remember this, as in The Land of Fearful Thoughts there is severe amnesia. I have no memory that answers cannot be found here in this lost land of the mind.
I am a dedicated student of The Work. There is only conscious surrender to what is. Some call that the Tao. The Tao brought the hawk into my back yard. The Tao never lies.
I cannot figure anything out, yet that is all I try to do. Oh, I have lapses of higher consciousness, but they don’t last long enough to save me from taking thought.
In the end I murmur the Jesus prayer and always feel a brief relief. I remember Leonard Cohen’s words about everyone being on the frontline of their own life and I feel a certain solace in that.
We are in this sinking boat together and we can only save ourselves. How do we do this if not by taking thought?
The hint for me is in the hawk. I see him briefly and then he is gone again. Something in my soul is stirred by his arrival. That much I know.