A Mind Full of Light

Miriam Louisa is an old friend, a gifted artist, writer and one of the most creative people I know online.
She has me on her list of Wide Awake Women! Yesterday she featured me and my book in her blog. Pay her a visit and experience the light she offers.
http://thisunlitlight.com

a mind full of light by guest Vicki Woodyard
POSTED ON FEBRUARY 4, 2012 BY MIRIAM LOUISA

“A drop of water has the tastes of the water of the seven seas: there is no need to experience all the ways of worldly life. The reflections of the moon on one thousand rivers are from the same moon: the mind must be full of light.
~ Hung Tzu-ch’eng, 1593-1665

How do you get a mind full of light? That is an intriguing question. Like a dipper of cold water, a mind full of light would be soothing to the parched soul. Enlightenment must equal that.

But wait a minute. Hang on a sec; there is no mind. It has been said, however, that when the mind is still it can reflect the Self. That is why we sit in meditation, pray, do zazen, whirl, and so forth. We want what we haven’t got, a mind full of light.

I am not such a good student of Zen koans. To me the sound of one hand clapping is pretty clear. A dog has Buddha-nature and you can’t put a head on top of a head, but I am getting off topic. I see that someone has put up a sign saying, “Mind has just been mopped. Stay off of it.” Okay, okay.

Right now I am in the school cafeteria of life and as usual I have put more on my tray than I can eat. First I grabbed dessert—lemon icebox pie. Then I saw clear red cubes of Jell-o and grabbed that too. Next came fried chicken and mashed potatoes and green beans—gotta have a yeast roll and a cup of coffee. That’ll be—how much?!

I sat down with some other students and saw that they had done the same thing. Bitten off more than they could chew. Karma, predestination, free will, nonduality all look pretty tasty until you start to consume your attachments. Belly ache, get the Pepto, call the witch doctor—where’s a good shaman when you need her?

I had completely forgotten that I wanted a mind full of light—an empty tray sitting serenely, reflecting light from the overhead fluorescent bulb. I come to myself—hear dishes banging, silverware clanking and water running. I just sit and take it all in. So that’s how I get a mind full of light. Neat.”

~ Vicki Woodyard

If you haven’t delighted in doing so yet, this guest post from Vicki is a gentle reminder to read her book, LIFE WITH A HOLE IN IT: That’s How The Light Gets In.

The e-book and paperback versions can be ordered here: http://www.booklocker.com/books/4931.html

Jerry Katz has said, “Vicki Woodyard is one of the treasures of spiritual literature.”

I so agree!

The Last Lesson

I have written a book that took place in the depths of my soul. Inwardly I was breaking. Outwardly I was shaking, trying to hold everything in place. It felt like planets were falling from the sky and I was either dodging them or trying to hold them up. It was a miserable, miserable descent into hell. All of the teachings flew in my face and mocked me, or so it seemed.

I had been raised to be a good little girl and I did my best to keep up the facade. Your husband is dying. Be a good little wife. Go with him to the doctor, take over the jobs he used to do, continue to maintain a good home and never let ‘em see you sweat. I didn’t.

Writing quickly became my salvation. I knew how to write. I did not know how to watch a fatal disease unfold in front of my eyes and sleep in my bed every night. For I was nurse as well as wife. Towards the end he was my child and I was his parent. But I could write.

I was an embedded reporter from the chemo room. I sat patiently there for hours while Bob was hooked up to an IV. I loved the courage of the patients and their families. I realized I was more practical than I gave myself credit for. The only thing that really stymied me was driving. Some days I would have to let Bob off on the ground floor and then try and find a parking spot in a crowded garage. One time I just couldn’t remember where I left the car and the security guard has to put us in his van and drive us around until I said “Oh, there it is.” And yet I was a force of nature 7 days a week. Of course I was exhausted. In my despair one day I cried out to Bob, “You would never take as good care of me as I am taking of you!” It was the truth but it was coming from a very dark place. I was losing myself as well as him.

I stood by him and wrote. I watched him be valiant. I listened to his stories of childhood because he needed to sum up his life. So we sat at the kitchen table and talked, our son listening with a breaking heart.

Today I had an earth-shaking cry. It did me so much good. I cried for every moment of those five years. I cried for the hard ways in which I have learned my lessons. Yesterday a plumber treated me like a nutcase for telling him he had installed my bath tub faucets backwards. That is what brought on the tears. He is a jerk, but he led me to the place I needed to go.

I know how to write. I know how to express things in an intuitive straightforward way. I am not sure I know how to love myself. That is the last lesson and the hardest.

If you enjoy my writing, please order a copy of LIFE WITH A HOLE IN IT: That’s How The Light Gets In.
It can be ordered by clicking on the book image.

My Book

Not many people are clicking on my book page. I really need some orders, if anyone is in the mood to buy it. I have now gotten twenty 5-star reviews on amazon.com. Here is a random review:

“…after reading this book I felt like the author had reached inside me and placed a string of colored lights around my heart, as she took me on a journey from the hilarious to the grim to the devastation of the desert, then back again, like a fellow sojourner on an intimate, inexplicable and necessary journey. This is an excellent book, full of sharing and humor, desperation, hope and love. The honesty is deafening. Finally a recognition of pain as part of the nondual tool kit and the acquired wisdom of how it can be used! This author KNOWS.” Abigail S.

I don’t know of anyone who has bought it that hasn’t said it is indeed a book that grabs you and won’t let go….

Just click on the book icon to order from amazon.com

Let me know how you like it.
Love, Vicki

Elvis Has Left The Building

When I look back on my life, I have so many regrets. Love was all around me and I chose to ignore it. Actually, I didn’t choose it; I wasn’t that awake. Perhaps it is better to say that I behaved unconsciously in the face of love.

I am at the time of life when I am mostly alone, both by choice and circumstance. I have time to reflect on the past. One thing stands out, one reason I came in here this morning before breakfast. My neck is tight and I said I would not spend too much time at the Mac today.

Remember that phrase, “Elvis has left the building”? I think everyone does. It became an iconic statement, moment and memory. The audience had seen a great performer, one of the best that ever lived. Now the voice intones that he has left the building. That made everyone in the audience feel special, that they were there in his presence and then he left. Somehow it was a healing moment for the multitudes that now held only ticket stubs. Even as I write this, that feeling is invoked, that moment of something great has happened and then it left the building.

You can imagine the same reverence at the foot of the Cross. The disciples standing cracked apart as if by lightning. Then the moment when Mary saw Him in the garden and there was a building still occupied although she could not touch it.

If you are wondering why I am rambling around the garden, it is only because of love. My little girl and my beloved mate have left the building. I have some ticket stubs and a sense that something great had happened when they walked the earth with me. And there were so many times that I let them down, turned away, then wished them back upon this grimy, beautiful old planet. But I knew that was not to be.

There is no way to end such an essay as this. Just look around at your life and know that someday you will hear these words and know what they mean for you, “Elvis has left the building.” Sometimes I hear a song that cracks me wide open and I sob for a brief time. It’s about those words. My loved ones have left the building but I am always glad I was there for their performance.

Vicki Woodyard
LIFE WITH A HOLE IN IT: That’s How The Light Gets In

A Normal Life


In no way am I living “a normal life.” There is no such thing. Society urges us to conform, adapt and behave like happy campers. But we are weary pilgrims. I woke up this morning, having had a bad dream. I won’t go into the details, but it was sad. At the end, someone was saying something about a bird flying over many different points and at every point there was only love.

I have been behind the eight ball energy-wise for the last two months. Not enough physical or emotional energy to accomplish anything but the simplest tasks. But the winter months are for resting and going within as best we can. So I sit here typing with a cup of instant coffee on the kitchen counter. Today I hope to do my own form of puttering therapy. To begin the week with remembering what needs to be done.

No, “normal” is something that sociologists and admen dream up. In reality we are snow-flakily different, each beautiful in our own bizarre ways. I think I shall drink a toast to that, me with my mug of instant coffee and a realization that normal is just a word in the dictionary.

What if I just kept putting one foot in front of the other because that is all I CAN do. What if I breathe and show myself mercy? What if I just post this essay and know that it will reach the right people….

If you haven’t bought my book, you should! Click on the book to order.

Words Are Training Wheels

Words are training wheels.
A young soul needs them studying
books of philosophy and such.
It becomes too much
so one fine day
the training wheels come off
and whee! comes into play.
The void awaits on roller skates
it hurls you into outer space
and words are just the things you
needed until you didn’t
anymore.

Vicki Woodyard
author, LIFE WITH A HOLE IN IT

The Other Side

The other side will always be a mystery while we are here on earth. We are born into a world in which we will depart sans body, sans everything but love. As we watch our loved ones leave before we do, much grief arises within the purity of the soul. For the soul feels abandoned and bereft. Almost no one escapes deep grief at some point in their soul’s journey.

I have been through the process twice and am realizing that the only living connection I have is with the Self. All others are mere shadows, for the Self is all there is. What we are mourning is the act of loving and being loved. In truth, love is all we are and each act of grief can return us to our True Self. That is happening to me, for I am seeing my own Self as a mirror and a window on the infinite.

As I see through the glass more and more clearly, I have a deeper wish to practice self-kindness. I have spent a lifetime letting others dictate my feelings when I know this is the wrong path to walk. Awakening is learning to honor the soul’s inclinations to be true to oneself.

My life is tending towards solitude as I explore this great lesson. Even though I am the Self alone, others are as well. The great mystery is how we are drawn together with like-minded beings when it is necessary. I look at the trend of my inner work these days and it all leans towards the Self. No matter what is happening, it is all working together for good, for healing of the inner split.

I have felt the presence of my late husband Bob. I have had people in tune with the other side say that my friend Peter is with me, that my late daughter Laurie is around me whenever I need her. I am not wired to get messages from the other side except in dreams, but others that can “see” relay messages to me. My friend Betty does this; our relationship happened because we are mirrors for each other. It is a soul-created friendship. Otherwise, I am alone most of the time. This gives me time to write. My words arise from the Mystery. I am learning to trust it more and more.

My book is LIFE WITH A HOLE IN IT:That’s How The Light Gets In.

Buy A Copy Of LIFE WITH A HOLE IN IT

My thanks to Victor Zammit for believing in my book. He ran this review in his weekly afterlife report and I sold
more copies there than anywhere else so far! This is what it said:

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED BOOK: LIFE WITH A HOLE IN IT- THAT’S HOW THE LIGHT GETS IN.
Ann Charlote, writes:

“May I recommend Vicki Woodyard’s book, LIFE WITH A HOLE IN IT: That’s How The Light Gets In. It can be bought at nondualitynow.com. [The author’s most interesting website]. I don’t have words to describe what I find in her book; it’s like nothing else I have read before.”
THIS BOOK HAS 20 reviews on Amazon.com and they are ALL 5 star.”

You can order it right here on the website by clicking on the image of the book. I also autograph and mail personal copies.

Love,
Vicki

The Next Thing

The next thing is all you can do. Let that sink in. You cannot possibly do the thing after the next thing until you do the next thing. In that sense this is an orderly universe. All you can feel is the next thing. All you can think is the next thing. The secret of the masters is that they did it consciously.

The body may be broken on the rack of cancer, poverty, depression, alcoholism. Fill in the blanks. In some of us there is a yearning for the light, an eternal yearning that will not be denied. It seeps through the cracks of our human condition, this feeling of alienation from both man and God. For God is silence and we haven’t broken that code yet. God doesn’t speak via the rational mind. He waits for it to fall silent. He waits for the exact moment of surrender to happen.

Generally it takes an act of extremity for us to crack open wide enough for a significant amount of light to get in. One must be living “Father, let this cup pass from me.” In my case it was my daughter’s death. To see the still body of a first-grader allowed a great silence to fall onto my being, the shadow of death, the shadow of God’s Hand. How was I to know the difference?

All I could do was the next thing and the next. One foot in front of the other. Was there a larger footfall beside me? It didn’t feel like it. Slowly but surely I begin to live a life without her. Year after year unspooled. Decade after decade decanted its wisdom. My husband, too, left my earthly presence. By then I knew that the next thing was the best thing.

I begin to care for myself like a child. I still do. I woke up early this morning and came in here to write. The next word and the next word. I can’t write them out of order. There is a pattern from which we cannot stray. As they say, on this side it looks like all knots and mistakes. One day this life will be flipped over and the grand design will have been woven. One stitch at a time. That’s how the light gets in. Leonard Cohen was right; that is how the light gets in.

LIFE WITH A HOLE IN IT:That’s How The Light Gets In can be ordered on this website.