There were no offers to donate to the site. Nevertheless it will continue because it is what I love to do. I am quite weak but will post in spite of that. This work helps me on some invisible level. My prayer is that it will help others in the same way.
I am reading up on this enteritis thing online. It seems to take everyone lots of time to recover. I am prepared to stay home for a long period. The load on Rob is heavy, as you might imagine. Our relationship is strained but strong. Paradox is both painful and unavoidable.
Yesterday a friend came and brought lasagna, salad, dessert and treats. An amazing visit ensued. Drawn by vital forces, we talked over two hours in spite of my weakness. She illuminating issues I had been struggling with in a remarkable way. “There is no such thing as chance or accident as far as human souls are concerned.” The light shines in darkness.
The main thing for all of us to do is surrender in the midst of the screaming chaos. Then miracles happen. I have walked through a different door now. It is one in which I must just let things happen. I cannot drive or shop. I am dependent for now on others. But I can write. I find that amazing.
Drilling down into the filth of the subconscious is inevitable at some point in everyone’s journey. That is where I am now.
I hope you reach a darkness so deep that you drown in it. That is what we all must do. As Leonard Cohen wrote in “Suzanne,”
“And Jesus was a sailor when he walked upon the water
And he spent a long time watching from his lonely wooden tower
And when he knew for certain only drowning men could see him
He said all men will be sailors then until the sea shall free them
But he himself was broken, long before the sky would open
Forsaken, almost human, he sank beneath your wisdom like a stone”
Amen, dear Leonard. Amen.