“We are, each of us, a private soul hiding behind a public mask, complaining that our public mask gets no understanding.”~ Robert Brault
The quote above reveals the falseness of the faces that we wear. No judgement. It is simply how things are in this world.
I have always looked presentable enough to hide the grief. Actually I try hard not to let the rips and tears in the soul’s garment show. Don’t we all?
We are truly caught in a conundrum. The need to conceal and reveal. I feel a certain angst every morning and it takes a while for it to wear off, for the daylight glare to offer some relief, some respite from the dilemma.
What is this angst about? I have no idea really. It cloaks itself in fearful thoughts. That I am late to get my teeth cleaned, that the deck is in disrepair and that I need to downsize. There is a panic connected to this.
Despite the terror, I have a calling to know the truth and record it for a handful of readers. You know who you are, for you feel pretty antsy yourself.
No amount of Facebook affirmations can unhook you from your personal cross. This much I know and have the courage to say. Crosses serve a purpose, you know. If we didn’t believe that, how could we continue to live?
Esoteric Christianity is about having faith in a higher order than the anxious burdened soul. “Cast your cares on Him and He shall sustain you.” I remember that and sit in silence daily. I wish I could work things out, but things are far beyond my mental control.
There is a beauty in being broken, a sustaining hope that one day you will be made whole, but never by your own hand.