Honest to God
Honest to God I am in an emotional funk. Insomnia to the nth degree. Sad dreams. And the sure knowledge that knowledge is not what it is about.
Up against it describes humanity in 3 little words. If you can’t count the ways in which you are up against it, you are sound asleep and I am not talking to you. Go away and feel the bliss of being a fake.
I am talking to serious students, those that have bumped into the futility of self-effort and self-kidding. Those that know how badly they miss the mark on a daily basis.
I get daily emails from someone we all recognize as one of the main proponents of easy enlightenment. I can’t help but notice that he is selling, selling, selling. I haven’t unsubbed but I should.
When I first begin to study the Way ( we can call it that), I spent lots of money on books. I spent my life studying. Over the years I have lightened the load considerably. My book shelves are sort of empty and my knowledge is now paper-thin. I can see through it. This helps me see through myself.
I am not able to sell myself snake oil, although I keep trying. It has such an allure; it is irresistible when the suffering reaches a fine point. Nah, I don’t need another nostrum. I need relief from the search.
I am an acceptable wreck, an acknowledged failure at trying harder to grasp the ineluctable, a total piece of planetary wreckage.
Now that’s out of the way, it’s time for coffee. Smiling….