Do you ever feel like this?
Do you ever wake up too warm in the middle of the night and realize you had been having a bad dream? And that the dream was both ridiculous and uninterpretable. It made you aware of having a very primitive self in you that sees things differently than you awake and walking about.
I lay there for a while and then got up and had some cereal. I finally went back to sleep only to fall into another weirdo dream.
I always sit in silence after breakfast and this morning I loved that the sun was coming in brightly. We drove around yesterday looking at some old townhouses and it made me nervous. I am not sure I have it in me to move. I feel so settled in this house and yet I grumble about its upkeep.
I understand deeply that things just happen and that I am not in control, yet I am always thinking I have control. Do you ever feel like this?
It makes me anxious, to say the least. To imagine myself taking on a burden I don’t have to take on. Maybe a move would prove disastrous.
I have small things to do today. It is the kind of day I like best. It is the first part of the day that ushers in my night-time fears and early morning anxiety.
Being on the spiritual path is no cake walk. I work on myself every day and yet see little progress. Do you ever feel like that?