What is it that we want above everything else? We want to feel okay, blessed, secure and loved on a very deep level. We think we don’t know how to have this happen unless it comes to us from outside.
Well, it is raining buckets outside today. I find that very unappealing and even unfulfilling. I wanted to go places today and now I am just surveying the dreary January grayness.
Something tells me that my wants are going to go unfulfilled today. I have read all of the books on how to manifest what I want and need. They don’t work.
I have admired and respected those who claim to have had their needs fulfilled on a very high level. They have nothing to give me that I don’t already have within.
So how do I shake myself down for what I want and need? To ask that question is to make the gods laugh and indeed they should.
Underneath the whining is a desperate cry for healing of the whole situation and that only comes when the weary hallelujah of Leonard Cohen is uttered.
That is when change happens. When we run out of gas on a deserted country lane and we know that no one is coming along to save us.
We see our rage for what it is, a suppressed cry for the love that can never come to us from outside, for we are it. We are what we seek.
I know. I know. That is not what you wanted to hear. Neither do I. That is why music is written, to comfort us in the night of our negativity, to lift us up to higher healing than the ego can ever supply. I listen to Leonard as I fall asleep at night. It wakes me up, but not on the physical level. It wakes me up to my own insufficiencies and I fall asleep in the arms of surrender.