There is a deep emptiness here on every level. Physically, emotionally and mentally. I am in a fog of weakness. “My strength is made perfect in weakness.”
The one thing I can do that helps is to breathe consciously. Other than that, nothing. Anger and rage have exploded from the depths of the subconscious. It is time to release things that are holding me back.
The mystery holds delight while the everyday knowing collapses.
Tomorrow is my birthday. Then Thanksgiving and Christmas. Nothing I can do to make anything happen. It is just happening on its own schedule now.
This is not a note on how to awaken. Poppycock. This is a note on being brought low while sensing it will all turn out just fine. I have to endure the passing of time.
I have not spent my life on the path for nothing but for everything. Appearances count for nothing. Water is being given me and it is the water of life. I must drown in it, not fighting against it.
This is not a note of loss but of light. The theme of my life. Broken pieces patched together until a letting-go of everything is forced upon one.
I am feeling hopeful of learning the lesson about my strength being useless to me.