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Someone reposted this on her Facebook page. I wrote in a few years back.
from Vicki Woodyard, worth rereading ~
You go to the guru in hopes of finding enlightenment. Instead, you meet your own darkness head-on. How can it be otherwise? But the guru knows a dirty little secret. You are not your badness any more than you are your goodness. You are nobody dressed up psychologically as someone. The sooner you can shed those rags, the better off you will be. But you continue to cling to them time after time after time. The ego has a very thick skull and beats it against the wall of the guru’s heart until one magnificent day it cracks and the light begins to seep in.
A good guru is worth his salt and will pepper you with the shot of wisdom until you clutch your imaginary hands to your imaginary chest and lie dead on the battlefield. It is then, and then only, that he will come and tenderly scoop you up and carry you off the field. I am speaking metaphorically, of course. But it’s like that.
The guru knows everything about you and loves you anyway. He is already in your heart. He had you at hello and he will never say good bye. But in between, your ego will be chopped liver. He will ignore you and chastise you at the same time. He will teach you lessons that give you no room for escaping them. And yet you have given him your life and that isn’t even enough. He wants you to see that you have no life outside of the One.
My guru had to break every bone in my psychological body. And no matter how hard it got, I couldn’t let go of my self-defense. I was too smart for my own good. So he pounded me into fine grist for the mill. Poured me into the finest possible sieve and stuck me into the hottest oven. I was that stubborn.
Why am I writing this to you on a Fourth of July weekend? Because this is the only thing I have worth doing. Confessing my sins in fireworks that would light up the sky. The play’s the thing, said Willy S. And it all feels so real, until it doesn’t. I am practicing gratitude these days. Perhaps because freedom is real only when you are. And that’s the truth.