Sometimes the only thing I want to do is write. I have a neck ache that keeps me from watching a movie I started. It has been on pause for almost two hours now. I took some Tylenol and a muscle relaxant, but I still feel awful. Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. I blame it on that. All holidays are stressful for me because I don’t know how to have fun. I really don’t. My life is about awakening and so far that hasn’t been any fun, either. I say that ironically.

I am somehow pledged to awakening consciousness. I don’t do it readily or well. I just feel a daily urge to do something better than agree with the world, which is going to hell in a hand basket.

If some Pollyanna should happen to be reading this, someone who thinks they can change the world, consider this. Jesus was not able to. He could only tell us that his kingdom was not of this world. And I believe him. This world is chock full of advertising, insanity and worse. We are on the brink of self-destruction. Do we have to paper that over with positive thinking?

Let me get really personal now. I have a great new computer, a roof over my head and food on the table. But that doesn’t keep me from feeling bereft of meaning in a meaningless world. So I write my heart out. I scatter seeds of truth as fast as I can and many do not like that. People didn’t like Jesus either. He was too hard on their easy-going comforts.

I want to wake up before I die. So I live my life as best I can, avoiding things that are toxic and overwhelming to the soul. I seek out kindred spirits and they are few and far between. It has ever been this.

Thanks for reading this. I feel better now.

Vicki Woodyard