One starts walking the path and it is chock-full of obstacles, to say the least. But we are eager to learn, having no idea of how hard the direct path is. As Vernon Howard always said, “The easy way becomes the hard way and the hard way becomes the easy way.” And he taught the hard way. This kept all but serious students out of his hair. He frightened us with his head-on approach to awakening. He insulted us, browbeat us and imbued us with a sense of our own wrong-headedness. After all, he was speaking to our egos. Why? Because until you realize the ego is the root cause of illusion, you will not be able to see the light.

My life has been spent making mistakes and witnessing them. In this way you learn the art and the depth of humility and repentance. The dawn comes slowly, but it does come. With Vernon’s help, many of us became a bit emptier than we were before we ran into him.

So where am I today? I ask myself that as I fall down again and again, for that is the nature of life. Fall down nine times, get up ten, as someone wrote.

I am exactly where I am doing exactly what I do. Except that I realize the true meaning of “I.” Once you make this discovery, you relax a bit. You aren’t Buddha by any means. Those that claim to be are dead-wrong.

What we are is a nothing that is everything. A happening for which we are not responsible. A love over which we have no control.

I guess that is enough.

Vicki Woodyard