Sometimes I just want to write even if I have nothing to say. To make a connection, perhaps with an anonymous reader who may be feeling restless. I often feel that way, as if there is something left undone, something I don’t know how to do. I probably don’t even want to do it. I just want to live a life of ease. That is how the ego would have things go.
Yesterday I went to Macy’s for makeup. The store was crowded, as I went in the afternoon. I was in search of a certain brand I don’t usually buy, and a young black woman helped me. She was very kind and I made my purchase. On the down escalator a little later, she was just ahead of me and I said, “Didn’t you just help me?” and she said yes. There was a moment between us that felt god-given. As if I have turned a corner and now see life a millimeter differently.
How slowly we change; there is so much resistance in us. And I no longer judge myself for it as much. I realize how much pain there is in us. We just can’t stand any more.
Monday is my birthday. Another year has gone by. A good strong year for me, thank God. Nothing special happened. But I enjoyed good health and more peace of mind. My life is so quiet. Tai Chi and walking keep me strong.
The only thing that truly interests me is what I do. Hard to put it into words, so I settle for these little accounts like buying makeup and how differently life goes when you pay attention. When you look into a face and see yourself reflected back for a moment. And you know this is what you came here to do. Not write, maybe. Just be present as the gift of life is unwrapped.