The Weirdest Essay I Have Ever Written


I am going to admit something that most people cannot identify with. I am alone! No matter how hard I try, I cannot claim to be anything other than alone. It appears as if I am not alone from time to time, but that is a mere appearance.

It is a worldly illusion that we can make friends and be connected with our families. Even though we may marry, we remain alone. Even though we may give birth, we remain alone. And so on and so forth.

This aloneness gives rise to a feeling of loneliness. Go figure! I give you full permission to laugh and then cry. Or vice versa. This is not esotericism per se; it is simply the truth that I live in spite of wanting it to be otherwise.

Hallmark Cards tell us we are sociable when there is no one there to associate with. This is not advaita, either. It is just how I feel after a lifetime of trying to find togetherness.

So where does love come into all of this aloneness? Ah, that is the 64 dollar question that no one can satisfactorily answer. God is love so perhaps we are God. That would make as many Gods as there are in the cosmos. No wonder we feel such inner conflict. To exist we must invent other people and this is a wearying process.

I am now going to go even further out on the limb. Since I am alone, I am writing to myself. And if that is so, why don’t I quit? Just hang it up? Because the world with only one person in it gets boring. But it is still a fact.

Everyone of us is alone and everyone of us is God. Now I am going to go and eat a whole bag of Cheetos and cry into a cup of coffee. I will soon forget I wrote this and go about trying to feel less lonely.

If you dare try to explain to me that I am not the One, I will cover you in bubble wrap and pop you to death.

Vicki Woodyard


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