Some of you are going along with me on my new journey to happiness. It has been a long time coming and I have one Uma G. to thank for that. It was she that had the dream of my husband saying that my happiness was what would allow me to be with him in the afterlife, not my sorrow. These are not the exact words, but they will do. It is the sense of the words that matter, always.
So here I am, this true temple servant, leaving the temple to learn to drink while I pour. My writing has been unrelenting for a long time now. Pouring forth from a broken heart filled with a sense of fruitfulness in some far-off future. Well, maybe the fruitfulness is right now. And so I am now doing the little loving things for myself that give me delight.
I am a child of the universe, as the Desiderata says. I have been lost in the clouds of fear, anxiety and uncertainty while exploring the two vital words, “I am.” Now those clouds are opening at times, enabling me to be the Self that will join Bob in full partnership with God.
It may sound ridiculous to some that I find myself not knowing quite how to love myself in concrete ways, but that is one opening that works for me. So out to lunch I go, or out shopping for something that will refresh my wardrobe, or writing in a new way. Whatever it takes.
The silence is fuller and richer than it has ever been. Only when I wake in the morning do I find the clouds confounding me. I have to let them disperse gently before I really begin any activity in the world.
I focus on seeing rather than being seen. I walk with self-appreciation for the little child that leads me.
And on I go.