I feel an honest confession welling up within me. It has to do with my writing and my life. The writing is effortless; the life not so much. I have lived through so much genuine suffering that respite is what I crave. Peace is where I am headed. You won’t find me in anyone’s social circle. I have never been singled out as someone who is good at fitting in.
Rather, I have been learning endurance in the face of great solitude and it cannot be otherwise. Any introvert will tell you that if they had their way, holidays would be entirely optional. I dread them and make no excuses about that.
For me, an average day consists of being online a good deal. When I am not online, I am in silence. In the evening I watch TV. I require little in the way of entertainment. I don’t travel unless I feel a strong spiritual adventure is in store.
So what am I saying in all of these awkward paragraphs? Well, for one thing, I recognize levels of energy operating in me. The more I pay attention, the more revealing they become. I know who is for me and who is against me, as the Christ consciousness says. It is how I navigate this perilous world. Yes, I said perilous. Whoever says it is not needs to have their head examined.
I also know that on a higher level I am protected by grace. It has been earned by the long years of hanging in under impossible circumstances. The little white and gold coffin, the larger one of my beloved husband. I knew I had to go deeper in order to stay on the path.
So there you have it. Some like me; others don’t. But higher laws are in operation. Eternity is not passing out disaster for the fun of it. There are lessons to be learned and tests to be passed. These I don’t write of because no one ever knows exactly what they are.
Sometimes life comes down hard, like icy rain. And after that, the healing is sure if you only abide. If you wait on grace, it is sure to come. Sometimes it is fierce, as Ram Dass says. But at the end, it is totally inevitable. Grace is who we are. Grace is where we are going. Grace is here to stay.