When you leave the world, things are often seen in slow motion. You watch yourself with time on your hands. You dangle them by your side, you use them to go online, you feed yourself snacks with them, but time still hangs heavy.
If you were in the world, the world would know you and you would know it. Alas, that is not the case. It used to be, when you thought it was a club you should join, that it would give you benefits.
But as the world robbed you, you begin to make efforts to leave it for a better one, a more conscious one. And these efforts soon landed you in big trouble. For you tried to share this world with your old friends, who still believed in it. And you begin to find yourself alone.
So you tried to have it both ways and that didn’t work either. For that required you to play false and your new world would have none of that.
Your new world revolves around the True You and not the false one you imagined yourself to be. It contains a lot of silence and a lot of mystery and solitude. For solitude is where you develop your spiritual muscle.
Meditation becomes more your style than rumination, thank God. You no longer get embroiled in your thoughts as long as you used to. Now you become someone who is watching them go by, like clouds in the sky.
At some point you recognize that you never had any friends in the world, just fellow sufferers. But you wanted to suffer consciously, and that is why you heeded the words of the Master when He said, “My kingdom is not of this world.” And so life goes in a new and mysterious way.
The worldly roll call no longer includes you and so you sometimes feel alone and without a job to do. Learning to simply be is your new calling. And you begin to offer your being up to God. And perhaps the word “hallelujah” is heard deep in your heart, telling you that you have come home. The river has returned to the sea.