We all sense our freedom is just an eyelash away. That we can break the chains of thought. That we can fulfill our purpose here on earth. And yet we don’t take the next step. I have no idea what mine is. Yes, I do. I am just afraid to say it.

I have been giving ceaselessly forever. It is time for me to receive. I don’t say that in a “gimme” fashion. I am just saying that is how I was raised. To be the giver. But nothing ever changes when you cannot receive.

Does this make me shameless, a beggar, a rotten person? No, it makes me honest. When Bob was sick, he was the same way. He could not receive, so he had to pretend like I was not giving to him. That way we remained stuck in our roles.

But now he is gone and I am still giving and not receiving. Stick with me; this is called honesty. Someone asked me about the restlessness I felt today. Possibly this is an indication that I need to change. I need to receive what the universe has in store for me if I quit being the giver.

Givers are not selfless; they are just stuck in their roles. In my family, no one was ever forthright with their negative emotions. We cowered in fear of my father and we catered to our mother. That wasn’t right, either. We were trapped in their drama.

I give my work away. I give my heart away. I need to receive my good straight from the Hand of God.

Vicki Woodyard