Here’s what I think. No one tells the truth. They can’t because it is too brutal for words. Although I have written thousands of notes about the spiritual path, someone will tell me there is no path. They say that just to complete the opposites on the mental level. So, okay, there is just path/no path on the mental level. On the emotional level, there are opposites like love/hate, fear/peace, etc. On the physical level, there are wellness/illness, old/young, etc. People love to argue. But they seldom tell the truth.
I venture to tell mine and people tell me it’s been done to death. Yes, it has. But I am still living it full-time. And everyday someone else gets a truth bomb dropped on them. The ego is never prepared.
And of course someone wants to remind me that there is no ego. True enough. It’s a concept. So I lost the concept of having a daughter and a husband. Since I am just a concept, it shouldn’t have devastated me.
All the enlightened people come out of the woodwork when you try and say how you feel on the human level. They want to clarify points you apparently didn’t understand deeply enough or you would simply shut up. They need to talk about their lineage and what experience woke them up.
I will tell you this. When you are sitting alone on a long holiday weekend with no place to go and nothing to do, it is not just a concept.
Love is not a concept, either. It is reality. So when a grieving parent decides not to speak of their dead child because it disturbs people, that seems like the rational thing to do. But me, I won’t shut up. I became a writer.
I got my royalty payment the other day for my last book. It was less than fifteen dollars for 3 months. I won’t publish another book.
Now the know-betters will say I wanted to be an author too much so I pushed all chances of that away. Might as well say I wanted my children to live so one of them had to die. Rationality does nothing to nourish the spirit.
I know my writing has moved hundreds of people and I know exactly why. Because I speak the unspeakable and some find a deep relief in knowing they are not alone. I will never stop doing that. Apparently that is the deal I have with God.
Vicki Woodyard
I don’t always agree with you, but you write fearlessly and I appreciate it very much. It shows you have nothing to loose. As the Buddha said, put no head above your own. I take that to mean you can be open to learn from anyone, but in the end you have to dig for your own truth.
I know who I am, but I still suffer. It doesn’t have the roots it used to have, but the body-mind is still here and it has its preferences. I take the existence of duality to be something we are supposed to experence, for whatever reason or non reason. The Absolute doesn’t ask me if I like what happens. I just know I have to accept it. So I can accept and not like. Both are OK.
If I hadn’t suffered as much as I have, I would never have discovered who I am. You have to look under the covers, and suffering does that pretty well. Some of us know that rather deeply.
We stand in the same spot.
I would have kept you company if we lived closer. Go with God.
There are those of us who suffer dearly and hold it close in our hearts because we aren’t brave enough, strong enough or have the ability to say it clearly to share our suffering, our grief–particularly and especially with family. You say what we are unable to in an eloquent, beautiful way that I appreciate so much. I’m sorry to read that you won’t be publishing another book but am thankful your words will continue to flow from your heart into mine. Thank you, Vicki for your strength, compassion, love and your gift of words.
It is my calling, dear Joyce, so am glad you appreciate what I do.