No one has all the answers all the time. You can scroll through Facebook all day long, reading every scrap of advice posted there. You can say “Aha, that’s great!” and hit Like but nothing real has happened.
We are seduced by mighty forces. No one escapes. That is the nature of the world, as Christ knew only too well. The only solution is forgiveness. Self-forgiveness.
Inner work is about getting back up off the mat and staggering towards the light. Nothing changes immediately, for you are a bare beginner. When you are truly advanced, you know that you don’t know. And that equals knowing that you know.
Try to get the drift of things as soon as you can. Don’t waste time in idle thinking. You already know in your gut who is conning you. And at times you enjoy the little drama of it all.
But then God punches you so hard you can’t get up off the mat. It is then that he is doing you a favor. Lie there until you receive his grace.
My own kayos have led to deep determination to learn how to rest. I am good at resting now. He makes me to lie down in green pastures.
I think of my friend Peter and how he spoke of resting and watching robins run across the grass. He was never on Facebook yet he had seen God in everything. I will close with something he said about gurus:
“Intermediaries are a waste of time when the body is crumbling. I have found that such difficulties tend to make other sounds meaningless. Only the beating of one’s true heart has meaning.”
When I read his words I fall into a state of grace.