God’s Mug Shot

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You can see God’s mug shot in the photo above. I told you how he turned up at my kitchen table the other day. It was the darnedest thing. I was not in awe of him at all. Just the opposite. I felt he was invading my turf, disturbing my “me time.” I was having tea and cookies and suddenly there he was.

I am solitary by nature and although I believe in God, I never expected to see him at my kitchen table. Next thing I know he’ll be telling me what to do. Actually, that is why he dropped in. He wanted me to tell Facebookians a few things. And so I did.

Facebookians are not in the Bible, but God has just invented them for a lark. Note: I am making this all up, but then so is God. He is paradox, the point of power. As such, he does not live by any rules, which is why I had to cover up my cookies when he first showed up.

Now he is telling me that he invented Swami Z and that I had nothing to do with it. “Shut up,” I said. “You made me write a stupid book that nobody buys or gets? Can’t you do better than that?”

God has no excuses and doesn’t need any, apparently. He just laughed his heavenly ass off while I frowned sternly at him.

“You’re not funny,” I said. Well, he shot me a look that set my utility room on fire. I had to get up and use the fire extinguisher to put it out. It was no burning bush. It was empty cardboard boxes I was “saving” that made it look like one.

“Vicki,” he said, “I will not have you littering up the laundry room.” And so now I will close the door when I make the next video. I will show him. You can’t be afraid of God or he will show up and make sure you have a good reason to be. Before he left, he told me this. “You, my dear, are a sissy pants.” And then he was gone….again.

Vicki Woodyard


      1. Yes, you’re right! I think Swami Z and God have a lot of personality traits in common. I’d love to hang out with both…..


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