“So spring has sprung, so what care I?” That is the first line of an Easter card that my late husband sent me when he and I were about 16. The card professed his love for me and at 23 I married him. That was the beginning of my trials. For our little girl died of cancer at age 7 and he at age 63. Now it is just my son and I on this good earth. This good earth which is now being severely tested by greed and rage and shallowness. No one bothers or cares to sink their roots deep anymore.
But the trials that began with my marriage did not deter me from sinking my roots deep. Instead they were the catalyst. Bob loved me more than words can say. As he lay in the hospital he asked for a tape recorder. As weak as he was, he wanted to tell the story of how he fell in love with me in fourth grade, how we married and moved to Atlanta.
My grief at his diagnosis was unbearable. I flung it out into every corner of the universe. No one was safe from it. And yet I had a spiritual teacher that counseled us to stop being negative. His teachings seemingly now fell on stony ground.
Fast forward to this spring, some 50 years later. I love Bob so deeply that I am now at peace with the price tag on our marriage. The after-effects of my severe testing will not be easily erased. And yet I have come home to myself. I have things to say about the inner journey. Some of you will listen, expecting answers. There are none. There is only the Self returning home to the Father’s house after the long journey in the opposite direction. Life is short and sweet, it would seem. Why wouldn’t I be?