I got it a long time ago. The message, that is. I just wasn’t able to act on it. That is probably true of you as well, isn’t it? The exhortations reached your ears but not your subconscious mind. I salute us for trying, though, even though trying won’t get the job done. We did our best.
More and more I see how weak I am, how unwilling to stay weak. Actually, I am unable to stay weak. I seem to have to put an oar in, even when the situation will be wrecked when I do. Why? Because the ego does not want to die.
Forget the flowery messages on everyone’s Facebook page. Until you can admit that everyone lies, as House used to say, you will not even be able to begin your true walk up the mountain of awareness.
Vernon Howard said we spend most of our time circling the base of the mountain instead of beginning the uphill climb. That is because no one wants to die to themselves. We were born weak and helpless and told we would grow big and strong. That is one of the first lies. Another one is that if you go to Sunday School, you will be a good boy or girl. What they don’t say is that the Sunday School teachers are unaware of how bad off they are inwardly.
The beginning of the path starts with the understanding that you are feeling miserable and confused. I found a teacher that did nothing but confirm that in as many ways as he could. Oh, he knew how to rub our noses in it. And I found that to be the most healing thing. At last, someone who refused to lie.
And he warned us that when we tried to talk about the classes, we would be shunned. And that proved to be true as well. The system is fool-proof. Sleepers attack and those who want to wake up attack as well. The only man who doesn’t attack is the awakened one. And good luck in finding one.
You know every word I have written is true. You feel it if you don’t know it consciously. You know how hard you try to improve yourself and how little progress you make. One step forward, two steps back.
But unless we begin with the first honest step, we will never do anything but lie, most of all to ourselves. And good luck with that. I haven’t found that anything good comes out of it. On the other hand, when I find it in my heart to forgive myself, that is a real miracle. Out of that comes a new and truer beginning.