Keepin’ it real….

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I give up. I’m not perfect. I’m not even half-perfect. I so wanted to grow this lifetime, but I think I am going backwards with a favoring wind. Ha! Holidays always screw around with me. The Fourth of July is not the least of it. Christmas is far, far worse. And ironically, Hallmark is running Christmas movies on TV today, the Fourth of July.

Last weekend I got a hug from Amma and since then I have been having shivers and my mouth is broken out. So I have on my old sweater and a frown on my face. So much for divinity making everything better. Sometimes, things get worse. But last night I had a fabulous dream where Japanese women gave me treatments and I was in a trance state. I hated to wake up.

We have new young neighbors next door. I saw them last night talking with the newly married couple that just moved in across the street. My generation of neighbors have raised their young and moved on. It’s my turn; maybe next year.

The thing about trying to wake up is that you already are. But that doesn’t make you feel any better. Some of us are not destined for mind-blowing enlightenment experiences. Nevertheless, we have earned our chops. We know so much about what is NOT enlightenment that we are qualified to experience joy any minute now. And a lot of enlightenment talk is a load of manure. Nice flowers grow from it, though. So no loss.

I have a pack of hot dogs in the fridge and a can of chili to put on them. Then I will try and watch a movie while fireworks doom my chances of hearing the dialog. This isn’t one of those warm fuzzy notes where you want to kiss me on the check and gimme a hug. But there’s a lot to be said for keepin’ it real…



  1. Kisses, Vicky!
    Sometimes I ?! am just confused, shivering, perplex, laughing, crying with thus state of wakefulness.
    It’s so beautiful and heartbreaking, bursting with knowledge about what really is and on the other hand……
    what you described !
    Love you for being honest like that <3


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