M. L. writes: What concerns me is how we don’t love in the ordinary days, without illness, without a catastrophe. We often don’t come to love, don’t see it, don’t pursue until something terrible happens. How do we bring love into the ordinary, beautiful sunny day? We let them slip away…….
Vicki Woodyard I know…this is the human predicament.
Since Bob’s death, ten years ago now, I have pondered that question deeply. It is human nature to lose oneself in thought. We can’t seem to escape it. Hence the teachings of Jesus to wake up, to come out from among them, to let the dead bury the dead. He is, of course, speaking in a psychological language rather than a literal one.
I love Bob more deeply now than when he slept in the same bed with me. That is an inescapable fact. The tears have fallen, have flooded the old bed, which I never liked. It was one of those expensive astronaut foam ones that he felt helped him sleep. To me it was like sleeping on a slab of granite. But it took me five years before I bought a new bed with a mattress of my own choosing. I love it. It suits me.
What I am learning slowly is that I come first. That if I continue to put myself second, the grace of God cannot reach me. And I am not speaking of my ego. I was angry at God and at Bob and myself all at once. How could God destroy our family a second time? How could Bob abandon me by dying? Why couldn’t I be “nice” to everyone while I was undergoing the fires of hell?
There never was an answer.
But I will say this. I try not to put up with bad vibes. I honor my introversion. I value anything that helps me to heal. I have learned to surround myself with white light every single day.
I don’t think we can bring love into our daily lives. We must wait on it to come to us from the Source itself. Everything comes down to us from the heights. Being receptive to grace is one way. Honoring one’s own soul is another.
We are far from being able to be as God. We can only aspire and in that aspiration we learn to breathe a higher and finer air.