Headless in Seattle


“Could it be that the planets are castaway heads.”
― Visar Zhiti, The Condemned Apple: Selected Poetry

I may have to have a party where I invite a bunch of nondual teachers to my house and they’re all “I don’t know where you live” and I will say “Everywhere and nowhere.” And they will say, “Perfect, because I never existed myself.” And that will save so much time and money.

But if they came, I wouldn’t have to worry about feeding or entertaining them because nonentities don’t care what they eat. They are very non-attached. Some of them don’t even have heads. But don’t let them make you feel sorry for them. They are just messin‘ with your sense of what is and isn’t real.

Sometimes I will ask one of the more enlightened ones to sit down and play jacks with me. But here’s the thing. I don’t have any jacks. And when I throw a handful of no jacks out on the floor, they get very uncomfortable. And then I offer them a drink and mime pouring drinks. And then they begin to dislike me but they can’t show it.

And I’m all like I was a Valley Girl and saying, “I saw Houdini once when he died in the water thingamajig.” And they are looking at me like I need a shrink. And I say, “Oh, it was just a movie. Tony Curtis played Houdini. We’re all just playing parts. What did you say your name was?” And they usually get hip to what I am doing. And so they start to want to leave. And I‘m like, “Oh, stay. Satsang starts in a few and maybe one or two of you will debate about the really important issues like, ‘Oh, my God, you don’t have a head!” And then one of them giggles.

If you aren’t giggling at this, as Leonard Cohen would say “Nevermind.” It’s just me messin‘ with your ….oh, my God!”

Vicki Woodyard
Author, Bigger Than The Sky

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