My friend M writes:
“I’ve resorted to re-reading your old notes. I’ve diagnosed myself with Vicki withdrawal.”
So I told her I would write a note about it today. It’s been a little over a month now since I began posting my notes on my blog rather than on Facebook. I did it at the advice of a dear friend, who suggested I was addicted to the feedback that you get so generously on Facebook. Well, it’s not always generous, but there is another factor that comes into play.
As I post to my blog, it feels private, even when quite a few of you take time to read it. And for that I thank you. I need a community of readers that resonate with what I am about. And for now, I am learning the difference between essence and persona. On one level, I already knew it. But with this pulling back into privacy, my essence breathes more deeply into what I write.
It is the persona that gets addicted to Facebook, or to any drug that keeps your mind in constant “Go” mode. It wants to ensure you stay enslaved. My teacher, Vernon Howard, was all about becoming free, as any good teacher is. He always told us to watch ourselves reach for the cookies, the popcorn, the need for assurance from other people, etc. I have been doing just that.
And so this morning I was able to settle more deeply into my morning silence. I reflected on how non-doing drops one down into essence. How essence is who I am and always have been.
Then I went to the grocery and the sack of sugar I threw into my cart leaked. I first noticed it in the bread aisle, when I almost slipped down. But as I approached the checkout lane, I saw that the bag had leaked all over the other items in my cart. If there ever was a good example of what I have been writing about, that is it.
I must watch myself leaking energy (and eating too much sugar.) My bittersweet life is what it is. So is yours, as you know, a mixture of energies. Some good, some bad. But who we are essentially is that sweet peaceful witnessing that goes nowhere and does nothing.
I might have to resort to rereading some of my old notes myself. They aren’t half-bad, if I do say so myself. Try it, you might like it.
Until next time,