I am posting less and less on Facebook. Why? Because I must take my life back consciously. For years, I have been giving myself away in bits and pieces. The return has been minimal and I need to cut my losses.
Facebook is simply an excuse to waste time. For the first month, I cried a lot. I mean, a lot! I was hiding my grief behind my essays. I was writing about it, but not experiencing it directly. We human beings are such escape artists, aren’t we? We will escape into food, sex, gossip, sleep, anything but staying with the discomfort of being human on a somewhat hostile planet.
The holiday weekend went on forever. I did nothing of substance. Time hung like unripe fruit and I, impatient as ever, wanted it to move along.
So today is Monday and I await the mail, which will be late. It always is, on Monday, for we have a substitute carrier. With life, there are no substitute carriers for which we do not pay a very high price.
I am not at all sure what my next step will be or even when it will be. I do have a book coming out this fall, which will be announced soon. I am making plans to make no plans after that. Sometimes God likes it when we turn our lives over to Him lock, stock and barrel.
I wonder if you, too, feel restless about life. As if it were just about to kick you out of the human race if you didn’t choose a move to make. Well, what if you refused to choose? That doesn’t work either. The only thing that will work is waiting on God. It’s His move, always and forevermore. Some of us can boogie with it and some of us can never manage to get in step.
I am not disappearing into the sunset. Far from it. I’m just not at Facebook from morning till night. So far so good….