Giving Up Control

I am still meditating on the white space in a picture that an artist paints. It is there for a reason. And since we operate in opposites, whatever we say or do has a negative space within it. For example, people say they believe in angels. That could mean they also believe in devils, then. For angels and devils are opposites.

We hear expressions like “His face is giving him away.” Of course it is. Our emotions can be suppressed but they are still being felt on some level.

Or someone says “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” And that is essentially the same thing.

I have no proof of angels or demons. I believe in angels, whereas I put no faith in demons. But I am as impure as the next person. You can take this word called enlightenment and shove it. No one is enlightened when they hear bad news or sustain a great shock. They are simply human beings.

When I heard the doctor say that my daughter’s cancer had spread to her lungs, I cried out to God in protest. I was the furthest thing possible from enlightenment. Yet God was probably right there next to me, inside of me. He certainly cared more about my sorrow than whether or not I had achieved enlightenment.

To this day I feel her absence deeply and because of that, I feel that every word I write is healing for me. God knew what He was doing when He made me a writer. He was saying to me, “Darling, precious daughter, you are worth as much as My Son. And your daughter was worth as much as My Son, too.

And I think that the living reality is that life and death are inseparable. I am writing while a storm is happening outside while inside my emotions are being put down on screen. You can feel them as your own. That is the white space within this group of words. You are the white space. Essence is the only clarity we can ever experience.

You and I are essence of stars and galaxies and God Himself. White space is there for us to experience the color of life and its glory. It doesn’t last long and in most cases, it ends badly. My daughter slipped into a coma and took one last breath. It was hard. It was brutal. I was stripped naked for the rest of my life. I am still reaching out for comfort. So are we all. Light would have us give up all control of life. Amen.

Vicki Woodyard


  1. White space is so important, it is simply, needed. In artwork I stop that urge to fill in every spot with something, remembering that no…the space is needed to breathe, allow for other things. In my house too, my partner would fill every corner or wall with something and I run over and say stop! Please, just leave that space, the house needs to breathe and to speak and to hear and so do we. :)) My heart goes out to you Vicki and your loss. If writing is the healing, how wonderful that it can be shared by so many others too. So many people have to bear their difficulties in silence, not knowing how to express or not living where it’s welcomed. ♥


  2. “Light would have us give up all control of life. Amen.” — Amen Dear Vicki. Yes…You write for me, also. <3


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