There is a definite place for conscious suffering. This is spoken of in the Work of Gurdjieff and Ouspensky. I have been rereading a book by Ravi Ravendra in which he writes of his work with Madame De Salzmann. As I read, I gain energy because the truth is leaping off the page. That is one way to know if a book is helpful to you.
I know from direct experience that I gain nothing from watching Youtube videos of so-called awakened teachers. That is not my path. My path is esoteric Christianity. It includes the I am awareness but also focuses the student on the pairs of opposites and how we are caught within them. Only awareness can transcend this painful dilemma.
As I have said, I lose a great deal of energy during the holidays. My introversion and body type do not enjoy jubilation but rather a quiet and methodical life. I gain energy by going about my business and then resting at the still point. The world needs this kind of energy focus; if not for it, everyone would be quite mad.
Madame de Salzmann suggests that rather than force myself to “brighten up,” I would be better served by simply seeing my actual state. Seeing is the highest solution to any problem.
I was quite gratified to see that my daughter’s spirit is flying around and giving me lots of proof that she is wanting me to let go, to fly myself. If this sounds fanciful, that is as it should be. Only a mother who lost a child might find meaning in such statements.
I am meant for inner exploration, not outer. If something is needed, it will arrive quite on time. In the meantime, I am rocking the babe.