July 30, 2013

It’s like this. When one writes, one touches the interior of the person. Not the outer self with its burnished reflection in the mirror of society, but the lone wolf that must bay at the moon. The wolf that also prowls outside the social door, knowing that the mere facades can never feed it.

I was exiled from the social world long ago, just as Adam and Eve were expelled from the garden for their own good. So some of us must go forth searching the earth for inner reconciliation. “Turn in your Tupperware. It’s time to go wild,” as they might say in the comics.

I can only write what I feel and know to be true. I miss myself too much to be in exile ever again. I will sit at my own campfire and howl at the moon. I will prowl the landscape of the bereaved, filling my belly with sweet memories. When I see my reflection in a clear lake, then will I at long last recognize myself.

Words arise like mist and saturate the page. Drenched in the waking dreams of life, I nevertheless ride in an elegant elevator up to the floor of Cancer Wellness to take Tai Chi. A brave soul returns to class, her hair just growing back, her eyebrows sprouting forth in wonder. Ah, the friendship of those in the fire is sweet indeed. I touch the downy softness of her head. She stands still and offers no resistance.

Just so, I venture forth here to ask you to touch my words so that they might guide you to your own inner wildness. We wolves must stick together.

Vicki Woodyard
Author, Life With A Hole In It

My friend Betty has her wings; I know that. She had a dream where she saw beautiful butterflies and orchids and we both sensed it was a dream of transition. I miss her a lot. Some time before she went into hospice, she sent me a stained glass angel holding a small blue bird. We both knew what that meant, too. I have it in my bathroom and look at it daily. It took me some time to realize that the angel has no facial features. It is just the shape of a face.

Betty loved music as much as I did. She often sent me YouTube links that her spirit led her to share with me. There were times when they triggered weeping bouts; she knew this but would not pull back from following her intuition. She wanted to be a seer and so she worked hard at honing her intuitive abilities. She also thought I had the same qualities.

Not long after we began emailing, I sent her a link about Leonard Cohen’s early years in Montreal. She wrote, “You’re good!” I asked what she meant and she said that she had lived in Montreal when she was young. “I loved that part where he ordered a cheese sandwich and a glass of milk. He drank all the milk first and then ate his sandwich. Just like my little friend in grade school would do.” (Her family was not from Canada; they moved there from another country.)

She looked forward to John Edward coming to Florida and to her dismay, he seemed to avoid her. She said he looked very tired because he was at the end of a tour. Here again, we both knew on a gut level that what he saw for her was not good. But I felt he could have been more helpful. Initially, after her first chemo, she believed she had a fighting chance. But as the days, weeks and months went on, she slowly began to lose faith in a physical healing. She was dead at 56. Now I am minus another dear email friend. Part of my journey this lifetime seems to be about connecting with people who are called on to have extraordinary courage in the face of death.

There was Laurie and Bob….those two angels now watch over my son and I, illuminating each step we take. None of them are easy but all are necessary. Some people say I should not write about loss so much. Do they not see that there has been great gain as well? Just a question I should ask myself when I am feeling blue and alone. This big blue marble is not only blue because of its oceans….

Vicki Woodyard

Dear Readers,

I seldom post on my blog anymore, for a number of reasons. First off, I made a great mistake when I let my original website go. Some of you may remember it. It was called Nurturing the Now.

When Life With A Hole In It came out, I made a decision I thought would help sales of the book. I let someone design a new WordPress site for me. Then things got complicated and I had to move for a second time (this current WordPress site).

I was much happier being a webmaster when I built the site from the ground up. Now I hardly know my way around WordPress.

The upshot is that now it is much easier for me to get my message out on my Facebook Page.
https://www.facebook.com/vicki.woodyard?ref=ts

I upload new material there daily.

Life With A Hole In It is still available on amazon.com. Of course, I make a few dollars more if you order it directly from the publisher. Here is that link:

http://booklocker.com/books/4931.html