A New Leaf

I turn my thoughts to a vacation and my stress level rises. I feel no pleasure but a tightening of my shoulders. I feel my age, my aches and pains and my deep desire to seek shelter within my own heart. Why seek it elsewhere?

I am trying to turn over a new leaf but it is not quite time. It is still adhering strongly to the tree. Oh, you know what I mean. You know you have gone stale and afraid, but the future seems worse.

I listen to Leonard Cohen and feel better and better. For he is the wizard of our times. He beckons us to come along on his journey of old age. Better than those celebs who have had so many facelifts they are unrecognizable. I love Leonard, along with many thousands of others. He is flowing us all along with him on his journey of inevitability. He is putting us in touch with our suppressed fears about being only “the brief elaboration of a tube.”

So I feel my shoulders tensely bent over the future. He skips on and off stage. “I’ve seen the future. And it’s murder.” But I relax into the arms of his arrangements. This is what true healers do.

I may not leave home until the time is right. It feels stressful with the house still unpainted. My muscles are tense and I feel up against the iron wall of zen. Actually there is no better place to be. When you reach the end of your rope, you can listen to some Leonard and rejoin the celestial harmonies once more.

Vicki Woodyard
Author, Life With A Hole In It


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