Someone whose first initial is J. said that she really liked it when I wrote raw. I thought I always did. The straight skinny is that I trust my writing a thousand per cent because it is intuitional in nature. I am being used and in a very easy way.
When Bob was dying, it was very hard. I lived in a state of emotional rollercoaster-ism for many years. But the writing about it was easy. I knew how to get the job done. Same thing with my way of intuiting things. I know instantly what works for me energetically and what doesn’t. But I haven’t always trusted this knowledge. The older I get, the more I do, though. It just makes sense to protect myself from lower vibrations.
Vernon Howard said so many wise things it is taking a lifetime to assimilate them all. He said, and I paraphrase, “You wouldn’t let someone come in your office and dump garbage on your desk!” And we knew exactly what he meant. So I know better than to let someone dump their emotional baggage on my doorstep. But I do it to myself all day long. “The foes shall be of thine own household.” Boy, howdy, is that ever true.
I am having a difficult time this year—yes, this whole frickin’ year. The gods are coming down hard on me and the writing is still easy. I cry buckets but I am also learning to live a bit larger. Today I was at Publix doing my weekly shopping. G., the guy who bags and puts my groceries in the trunk, and I struck up a conversation. He has told me that he doesn’t need the money. He just enjoys connecting with people. I feel the same way about my writing. I don’t need it; I just enjoy the spiritual connection it affords me.
“So, G.,” I said, “I am gonna give you big trouble from now on. I’m gonna let you have it. I need to practice being more authentic and I’ll start with you.” He and I kid around a lot. There’s another guy that works the Customer Service desk there and he always says, “It’s another beautiful day in Paradise.”
When my little girl was making her last visit to the hospital, I asked if she wanted to lie down in the back seat or sit up front with me. She said, “Up front. I want to see the sky and the trees.” And very soon after that she was in the angelic realms. I am sure she goes with me to and from the Mac, to and from the grocery store, to and from heaven and hell. At least I have an angel there making sure I don’t go too far in the downward direction. All I can do is hope.