What Would Happen If I Died To Myself?
This is a question that does not yield up its answer easily. If you say it does, I wouldn’t trust you.
The question has to follow you around like a phantom for decades, resonating deeply at times and at other times barely registering.
“As for me, I die daily.” So said St. Paul, but I am not even one part of Peter, Paul and Mary. I don’t die daily easily.
Sometimes I forget myself; that happens to us all. But then I reconstitute myself like frozen orange juice. And it’s off to the life races again.
You know, the life races…where everyone is just trying to stay alive while not expecting much. Just trying to to hold their own. Sometimes it takes great courage to even do that.
Back to the question. What would happen if I died to myself? I can tell you what wouldn’t happen. I wouldn’t start preaching from a soapbox about it. I wouldn’t write a best seller about it. I wouldn’t become the new Oprah. I wouldn’t buy a new wardrobe for my newly dead self.
So what WOULD happen? The ones who have managed to pull it off are nowhere to be found. Silence has swallowed them up.
Now the silence is saying, “Try it; you might like it.” And that’s as far as this essay goes.