I woke up before five this morning. Ugh. After laying in bed for a while, I knew I might as well get up. So I had oatmeal and reread A GURU IN THE GUEST ROOM for the umpteenth time. Such is the nature of a book in progress. I have portrayed myself in the book as uptight, nitpicking and ridiculous. Why? Because I am. I have invented a guru that is confounding, irritating and elusive. Why? Because that is just how I roll.
When I first began attending Vernon Howard classes, Bob and I were asked to attend a work party. People were always needed to stuff envelopes, apply postage, etc. One of the men at the first gathering said to me curtly, “Leave yourself alone.” He had been watching me fret over the possibility of making mistakes. Even now, many years later, I can still profit from that pithy piece of advice.
Last week I got talked into buying a pair of boots that looked good but felt bad. Yesterday I knew I had to return them. The saleswoman has been helping me buy shoes for years and she said, “You always wear slacks and these will look great with jeans or any kind of pants.”
“They aren’t comfortable,” I said. She was more interested in how I looked in them, so I caved. Brought the boots home, along with a comfortable pair of flatter shoes. Not as flattering, but flatter. The boots were brown and they didn’t have the flatter pair in brown, so I had bought the black ones. I found a pair just like them in brown online, so I ordered them. I will take the boots back and feel guilty about not being fashionable enough to suffer for my looks.
Now is the time to leave myself alone. My essence is about comfort, not style. My essence, as Vernon said, came down from the stars. It knows itself. My nitpicking ego knows nothing; it just tries to run the show regardless. It wanted to look good; it really did. But it also deferred to my essence when it came to comfortable shoes. Life is a struggle. If the shoe fits….get it in brown.