A Flutter of Phrases

There is always something new to be discovered about your essence, about who you really are. We are all the “I am” awareness but configured differently to learn our lessons, to share our gifts, to grow as human beings. So far our culture has it all wrong. It says “We must be up and doing.” I say we should get down to being. Being ourselves.

It may have taken tragedy to fully learn this lesson, but it has made a difficult journey bearable. And hopefully, it is also bearing fruit. It has given my bearing dignity and the ability to rest in my essence. My mother used to remind me that everyone is given certain grace notes in their sometimes jarring lives. One of mine has been a lifelong love affair with truth. I delight in it on so many different levels. That very love of truth makes life hard, or at least it used to. These days I am able to be uninvolved with the social loops and tangles of the community. For community is taking different forms in these technocentric times.

I don’t use a cell phone except for emergencies and I don’t have an iPod, iPad or a digital camera. What I do have and use all day long is my iMac. It is there that I gave birth to Swami Z; there that I begin sharing my life with readers. I began writing essays for Jerry Katz’ Yahoo list on his website, the Nonduality Salon. That delighted me no end and the suffering that I was undergoing became alchemically altered by the very process of writing.

I built a website from scratch and just kept writing and writing and writing. I am a writer by nature, an essayist and a sometimes poet and humorist as well. These are my natural gifts. I was behind the door when God doled out reading maps, driving, measuring things, drawing or painting. But I had a natural ear for the written word.

I also had a hearty dislike of socializing. There was a deep fear connected with it which was possibly carried over from another lifetime. Who knows? Here is what I know now. I like people, just in small doses and when I can be true to myself. That is what happens on Facebook. I am pounding away at the keyboard sensing that some of you know exactly how much I enjoy it because you do, too. We don’t have to look presentable, talk nonsense or look at anyone’s pictures unless we want to.

I am a free spirit trapped in a very conventional body and personality. What God gave me is lots of space in which to explore the inner life. I behold the vistas of silence and the mountains of truth and that is all I seem to need or want. Behold the hermit come to Facebook or her website only to return to the cave until the next note flutters to the ground. Enjoy.

P.S. Somebody click on my book page. Maybe you will be interested enough to order it 🙂


  1. I stumbled on this site by chance, I feel I know you already, I share the same thoughts as you on life. I am at a very lonely place at present. I feel I need guidance, I am coming 50 in April next. I wonder what I am doing here sometimes. I am also a free spirit, I try to be truthful, I do not like hurting anybody, but I seem to be the one who gets hurt. Help.


  2. Hi Vicky
    ok, I clicked on your book page. I love what I have read so far, can’t wait to read your book. Stumbled on your site by “chance”, as Joan above. Thank you for coming into my life and thank you for writing your story. I’m almost 70, loosing interest in lots of things, past and future fading, the Here and Now swallowing this lonely little me. Halleluyah. All the best from New Zealand.


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